Wish me luck!

I am meeting with the adoption specialist and the kids' caseworker tomorrow afternoon! Wish me luck that everything goes well and I get good news-ie that it looks ok, and they think I will be able to adopt the kids. Something had better go right soon since so far things just keep falling to pieces, such as BOTH our cars. { @#$%^&()***@@ cars. } Seems like every week has something breaking down on them. arrgg.

I need to keep listing things on ebay, ( see previous post) and finish my app for state jobs. My CNA classes start Oct 10th and if my meeting goes well with DHS tomorrow then I will start the adoption/foster parent classes asap too. So far both of the Michelle and Kittenroar liked the LGBT or hetero sperm bank specific scrapbook pages so I will def start making some up for approval! Do you guys think I should just post all the handmade items on ebay also? I like the idea of a website of my own, but it seems like it might be easier to just do ebay listings. I am not that computer literate! LOL

{Good luck to everyone in the tww}

Adoption is an option- maybe?

I am not sure how all 3 pics ended up in a row, but there on here so what can I say! Okay, now all my words are blue and underlined, huh? Weird! I know I probably hit some random button, but it is after midnite & I can't figure out what I did so hopefully you can read it like this and it isn't doing anything awful like printing in German or something.
Ok, So guess what? No really Guess What!? GUESS WHAT?! Give up? well pics are of random stuff cuz I am in a selling frenzy for ebay and Amazon to sell sell sell! I need to sell all this stuff to raise $. I need to make more money because I want to adopt two cute special needs children! Yay! I probably told you before about the little girl and brother going up for adoption that I know thru my school. Well.... I had mentioned to other teacher in our room that I would take them home, she gave me some numbers and encouraged me to check it out, but last week she gave their foster mom the scoop that I was interested. She left me her number, but I thought teacher was just leaving it, blahblah blah, I am rambling. Anyhoo, today I am going to Dollar store & who do I run into but the kids w/their foster mom and foster gma! Little girl was very excited to see me & foster mom had a chance to talk to me. Turns out NO ONE has shown interest in the kids but me! I thought they had prob been matched so wasn't really getting excited. She also said because of both their special needs, she really wanted to find them a home with parents that have training, & education or experience w/special needs. Who has that? I DO! She also wanted family w/out small children since they will need alot of attention. Who has that? Me AGAIN! Ha! Yay me! I guess because of their different-abilities (not dis-abilities, tsk tsk ;)) people can get put off of adopting them, NOT ME! So...
I told her I would meet w/their caseworker and see what we can do about situation. My house is too tiny & that seems to be major hurdle so far. So have been brain storming on how to fix that. I can fund raise and work and sell things to try and get dough to remodel this house and either stay in it, or remodel and sell it to move into a bigger house that would accommodate the kiddos. Or, I can rent it out while renting my own bigger place and work on adoption first, then worry about house decisions later. To make any profit on house, I still need to do some remodeling ( finish basement which would add 1-2 rooms one of which could be a bedroom) which had no time limit before, but the adoption question means it would need to be done ASAP and we don't have the funds ready for that. So I have to try and figure out what to do. Unless ...
I win the lottery in the next couple of weeks. LOL So my Amazon.com name is a-baby-dream-for-us and my ebay name is antiques-books-n-crafts. I had listed a couple things in last couple days just to test it out, but NOW I am motivated to really kick things off. So I will be listing as much stuff as possible, as soon as possible. So today's pics are a few that I am getting ready to list on one of those sites. I have a lot of books to list, some old- some new. Then I have a bunch of random things like antique cameras, stamp sets, antique lightning rod balls, stamps, dishes, ... I will of course list more things that do well and less of types that don't do well, as time goes on so can't say what all will show up later!
I am working on items that I can make and sell also. So here is my question for you...What items do you think ppl would be interested in buying? Here are some ideas...I can make scrapbooks or scrapbook pages that are specifically for diff ppl. Such as a scrapbook for a lesbian couple having a baby using a sperm bank! I know I was going to make my own since it is hard to find a baby book that includes both moms, maybe other ppl need that too? Of course the pages could be made for all diff situations- SMBC using sperm bank, adoption, single lesbian using known donor, I mean whatever kind ppl would want. Here are the basic list of work I have done in past:

• Make jewelry-I am working on a infertility bracelet right now using materials that have qualities to help, or that represent fertility,
• scrapbook or card making- could be situation specific especially appealing to minority groups such as sperm bank users, G/L/B/T/? families, SMBC, special needs families, and so on,
• photography-
• ribbons-everyone makes the little ribbons that you sell and ppl wear to support causes, such as cancer ribbon, or m/c, infertility, etc
• reg ol' fundraising-ask ppl for donations using a scratch card that gives them coupons, or just pass the hat (or baby hat lol),
• Diapers for dolls- I am also working on making cloth diapers for niece's dolls since she got a wetting doll for her b-day that conveniently comes with just one disposable. (What is she s'posed to put on her baby after that? Jeez ) So I could sew them and include a variety of ties or Velcro or buttons so that it also becomes a fine motor practice tool for young ones and sell them in packs,
• Gift baskets- I can make cute gift baskets and could again make them for grps that often find it hard to find items that suite them. G/L/B/T/? parents to be, adoptive parents to be, { adoption shower gift for your gay guy friends hello? I could make cute basket!} basket for new college student, vegetarian baskets for college student(much harder to find than you would think since all "dorm survival " includes ramon noodles and other meat filled snacks, or gasp! leather items.) How about a TTC basket for friends you know are needing support? Or gift baskets for kids b-day or whatever, that is full of items that are helpful towards working on their specific special need? ( Like a game recognizing emotions on ppls faces for an autistic child ) It could have multiple items geared for them!

So I need major feedback, let me know what ideas you like and why, what things, you would buy and why, what things you feel there is a need for & all that. Thank you so much! You will be my marketing research grp if that is ok?! LOL!

So I am running out of room and need to go to sleep BAD, but just a quick note about the kids. Some of their challenges are leg braces, sensory integration disorder, behavioral issues, night terrors & emotional issues. (Not both of them, but together they each have some of those issues. I don't want to get too specific about them due to confidentiality since right now I am just a teacher, not parent. ) They do some of same activities/sports that my family members do ( I normally watch the sports or sit w/the babies so my sis can play! ) so that would be great to be able to take them along with us and do stuff together as a big family! They even have some of the same looks as some of my family members so they will appear as if they have been w/us forever! I am very excited! Yay! I am going to talk with their caseworker this week and will know more then. :) Going to bed finally, talk to you soon! T

fun side affects of allergy meds

Allergy pills seem to be sex pills also. Maybe it is just temporary, we'll have to see! Dry mouth, low appetite, and increased sex drive. Interesting side affects-non of which I will complain about, granted dry mouth isn't fun, but {{{{shrug}}}} I'll drink more fluids.

frown and smile and frown and smile

{pic is another flower from our yard }

No offense to any parents or pregnant friends here, but I'm back in that- don't point your round pregnant belly at me lady, lest I kick your shin or pinch you- mood. Nice huh? And you thought I was a sweet girl! ha I am just so tired of everyone being pregnant, or having babies while I (& some of you) can't keep one in the oven. Maybe it is just because of the recent Gma loss & K is out of town for the weekend, at the BEACH w/out me no less. :{ It is almost Nov, and now I get a daily look at how my empty belly should look now, since the teacher I work with is pregnant and due in November. Right around Thanksgiving, about a week after I was due before the m/c. Helpful huh? Unfortunately, she is too nice to hate.

My niece had her first 2 days at preschool w/me this week. Yes she is in my class- cool for her so she has a large object (me) to cling to and screech at in fear, as needed. Not so cool for us (teachers in the room) since I can only do work that allows for her to be in my lap or at least no further than sitting right next to me. Yes she is smart, but not the most social child ever. Most strangers get their Q's answered w/a screech/frown and hiding her face combo move. The little owl will be 4 next month and hopefully will warm up to school quickly so I can do my job. She has made great strides in our 2 days. She has made real flesh friends her own age! She has talked to the other 2 teachers in the room and even high fived them! She also will now let another child walk past her like 3 feet away, and not freak out! Most kids either have a sad day or a happy day overall, but with her it is constant hot/cold. She has a blast outside at large motor time, but had a psychological rip when I left the room for break. Poor thing. No matter how hard it is now, I know Kindergarten w/no aunt for a teacher, would be MUCH worse!

So Iowa passed the Gay marriage thing again, but have already placed a hold so shut it down w/in what...24-48 hours? nice. The news here has been all over it, quoting "experts" on gay marriage - religious conservatives! They ended the channel 8 episode w/quotes from famous ppl, like congressmen and church leaders telling us all how horrible of an idea this would be...~"a great loss" for families and so on. Their positive quote (even coverage for the news here ya know!) was Hillary Clinton's view is that it should be left up to the states to decide. Way to back us up there Hill, & don't think I forgot that Bill signed the Defense of Marriage Act despite all his butt kissing to get the gay vote before he turned around & stabbed us in the back. I know she is her own person, but it still stains her in my eyes. I am tired of candidates who are not actively going out at night looking for gays to run over w/their car & sprinkle w/holy water , being my best choice. Where is someone who just cuts the crap and tells the religious right that it is still up to their own church to make it;s own rules, but the US gov't has to recognise ALL of it's citizens, regardless of your opinion of them. State /church = 2 separate things, duh. Why is that hard to see?

Stupid old rich white guys, do they really think letting couples like us get same health care rights and death benefit laws, etc - would ruin all their old marriages? Are all their wives going to see a better door opening and run off to marry each other? I don't get it. What are they afraid of? Jeez I'm tired and rambling sorry.

"Ecotopia" is a little old paperback book where OR, WA and CA are a separate country, having decided they have much different goals/ideals/thoughts on the environment & social issues than many other states in our country. I def recommend reading it, just because I wish it were basically true! LOL I would move there. If only I had the money to start my own country. Ha!

Grandma Blue's death and memories of my grandparents

{ pic is a guest flower from my garden.

Guest flower= planted there by birds or wind, not by me! I have a very narrow view of weeds so most plants are safer in my yard than others. }

((((Hugs)))) back to my friends, thank you for you comments on last post. As far as a family death goes, I feel pretty ok about how things were. Someone in the family was there with her from Saturday afternoon until she passed Tuesday evening. We read to her, watched tv with her, played cards and talked/laughed/cried with each other during the time we sat vigil. We talked to her even though she gradually stopped being able to communicate with us, but we believe could hear us til the end. Hospice nurses all told us hearing is one of the last things to go.

At the end, she had a packed room with 2 kids, 2 sisters and 2 grandkids all around her bed, my aunt was just getting ready to read a funny book("Diary of a Worm") and Wheel of Fortune (one of her fav shows) had just ended-{to the minute, it was exactly 7:30} and she quietly took a breath, but then just did not take another. We all laid our hands on her and told her we were there, and loved her and she could let go. I told her it was ok to go to Grandpa. It was very peaceful. We all cried and touched her and waited.

My Grandma and Grandpa Blue were very dear to me and were like second parents. I miss them both but know they are happy and can hear me,... Thank you for helping to make me into the person I am, and I love you.

Some random lessons from my Grandparents: Grandpa was the 1st gardener I knew and his lush, plant filled life has inspired me always. I still prefer a lawn with beautiful "weeds" like violets, clover and dandelions, over a plain green boring manicured lawn, blah. He taught me to look at a guest plant that pops up, not rip it out of the ground. His yard had crabapple trees, onions, award winning roses, hibiscus and many more plants I don't remember. There was always a bird house out for our feathered friends, and animals were hanging about too. Their yard was like a wild forest preserve to me as a kid, with new things hidden around each new leaf. Grandpa would walk around and tell me the names of things or what eats this or that. There were shadowy hidden spots you could duck into and read a book, while the leaves over your head whispered to you. There was always a seed or fruit of some kind to mash up and make "stew" with, or with permission, try a taste of. Note- crab apples are not tasty! Their yard always smelled interesting. If you walk slow past the huge bumble bees zipping into flowers, you can smell the huge hibiscus & Grandpa always plucked one bloom off for you as you left. If you go to the back of the yard, the smell of the onions creep up and smack you. You can go back up closer to the roses if you prefer to get away from that deep smell!

They had a normal sized yard, but one of the fullest I have ever seen and I was spoiled into thinking all yards were that way. I feel sad for people who didn't get to play in a jungle yard like that. I dream to someday have a yard that mystical and loved. I too have an organic yard with food for humans as well as for animals of all kinds. All creatures are welcome here. :) I have planted and designed my gardens with their yard in my mind- always. I think my gardening style and theirs, also reflects on our attitude towards other people. My grandparents home was always welcome to new friends or family, no matter who you were. Grandma wanted to feed everyone (alot), & they loved everyone. My first girlfriend (Am) was welcomed at their home w/out an eyelash batted. Since, I had given no warning, & really we stopped only out of need (flat tire) I really had not thought about it til we got there. But Grandpa and Am fixed the tire together and Grandma fed us and played cards with me while they worked. Grandma told me later that "some girls are just born a little more boyish than the rest, and it is just the way they are." No big thing to her! She loved K since meeting her too & just treated her as any other grandchild or friend. My mom said her brothers always brought all kinds of ppl home as young guys and Grandma/Grandpa hosted open card game night for all of them- no problems. My Grandparents showed me that people are people and we all need to eat, have love, have friends, laugh and apparently play cards.

Grandma always made arts/crafts. She made blankets, magnets, ceramics, bookmarks, cross stitch, clothes,. ..etc. She made things for gifts for everyone and sold things at craft sales. She showed me if you can make beautiful or useful items for others. You can cheer them up, or remind them of something/someone, you can give them something to hold onto-physically and emotionally. The inside of their house was always full of plants, toys, games, cards, food, ceramics, art supplies, and love. African violets covered tables, ferns and orchids swayed in the wind of the fan blowing fresh summer air in from the window. In the winter, the ceramic snow covered houses were lit up with tiny little lights sending a warm glow out of tiny little windows and all the colors you could think of blinked out of the sides of the small ceramic Christmas trees. Their Tree was always from floor to ceiling and hung heavy with tinsel and ornaments of all kinds, while blinking lights peeked out from behind them. Grandma was always cooking something so we didn't all "blow away". How she thought any of our rather large family could blow away from missing a chance at a snack or meal I don't know. In Jr High, I was 135 lbs and 5' 10" tall and a source of constant worry and offers of food. When I stopped eating meat, her argument was always that I would blow away if I didn't eat some of her turkey. I'm not sure how windy she really thought it was here, but even w/out eating meat, I soon enough gained the weight needed to keep me safe. Grandma was a constant source of cookies, milk or pop, and egg and cheese sandwiches she cooked in a pan for you, just as you liked them, while you watched. I remember watching her roll out noodles and cut them with her rocking noodle slicer. Knead, knead, knead, then rock, rock & she would pick up long strings of flour covered noodles, ready for a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. At Christmas, it was cookies cut with her bucket full of shiny metal cookie cutters with a shape for almost every holiday. On normal summer days, while I wiggled and whined through a baseball game on tv, she would get out the same bucket of cookie cutters and I was able to use my crayons to trace their shapes onto paper and color them in while I wondered about frosting, presents & snow. Thankfully, after baseball games ended, I remember Scooby Doo or Sesame Street being turned on as my reward. Yay!

Even though they watched baseball games or Wheel of Fortune in spite of my protests and moans, Grandma & Grandpa still made sure I had something to do. That might mean Grandma played the card game War with me while watching the game, but even though a home run might send some cards flying & we would have to have a redo on that hand, I never felt ignored or in the way. In this, and so many other ways, they showed me that: I was loved, kids are important, you need to compromise, and even if you don't love all the same things-you can find something to agree on.

I feel lucky to have had such warm and loving grandparents. I stopped sitting on Grandma's lap after I got so big I was afraid I would smoosh her, but I know I was always welcome there anyway. Some kids never get hugs or laps. They showed me family is important and love is great. They influenced every part of my life from gardening, to making art/crafts, to having children/grandchildren, to playing cards with their loved ones, to making friends with everyone they met, and I will always strive to be someone they would be proud of, and to show others the endless love they shared with me. I pray that I will someday have my own children and even grandchildren that I can love, as my grandparents have loved all of us. For now, I try to show the kids in my preschool class that they are wonderful and can be great people. I give free hugs, as needed, and do not let them call names or put each other down. Only put ups are welcome in our class. I hope they always stay as full of wonder and love of learning as they are now. I hope I have helped them in some small way, to feel loved and safe at this huge new world of preschool. I hope to soon have my own children to watch their breath as they dream, and eyes light up as they pet a Praying Mantis, or suprise as a grasshopper jumps on them. I hope all of you take this as a friendly reminder to be the best you, that you can be & to share your love freely too. Please give all your babies and grandparents a soft kiss on the forehead while they nap.

Love TK

sorry -death mentioned

{pics are purple cone flowers in my prairie garden w/butterflies} I have been away for a while, I know. First I was busy looking for a new career, but then my Grandma bacame sick and died. We had the funeral today. I will write more later but right now I need to work on making some big changes...will write and explain more soon! Hope everyone is well, & thank you all for the well wishes on November. ((((hugs)))) TK

potty humor

{Ashley one of our kitties at old apt, sleeping in one of her fav positions- upside down!}

Wisconsin was nice not as hot as itis here. Was able to swim a few times, yay! We walked around the art shops and gained some weight, heehee.

My neice actually got into the shallow end of pool instead of sitting on steps. She just al of a sudden does everything: walking, swimming, etc. She will be 4 soon and has signed up to go to the preschool where I work. :) She is very into bathroom things right now, as in "We should have chicken for dinner, just chicken, chicken and poop." showers of giggles will follow this statement. Her stuffed frog who she calls kitty rode out of the dr's office today on my behind-"Kitty is clawing you! She is riding on your butt, hahah with her claws. Can you feel kitty? She is on your buttcheek. Why is it called a butt cheek?" I told her I guess it is because it looks like the cheek on your face, just bigger and she seemed to accept my answer. She will continue the interegation when she doesn't like your answer. Other off the wall Q's include- what is a driveway? What is cement? Why do they call it a tattoo? How do you make the chair go up? ( dr office had electric chair to raise patients to dr eye level.) She thinks it is very funny to tell us how we are peepee or eat poop, or how she is going to give you poop, and so on. Everyone else is tired of poop and peepee talk but she will make her dramatic statement of how she will "just pee on my head then", and start into fits of giggles. sigh. funny. I think she has my hair texture, my her mom's attitude and our brother's ears & sense of humor. When she hasn't rolled into the gutter with potty humor, she is a smart cookie and cute to boot!

It is getting late in the summer and closer to fall, which is getting close to November, which is appearantly when a large number of people are due to give birth and when my due date was before the m/c. I can't stand to look at them with their pregnant bellies and happy faces, and I run whenever they start talking about being due in Nov, or the pregnancy at all. At this point I am less worried about seeming rude when I suddenly walk away mid conversation, than I am about seeming crazy when I have some kind of mental breakdown as some woman tells me about her pregnancy. I need sanity more than friends I guess. Nov will be a hard month, I feel it waiting for me in the near future, like a dark cloud you can see coming right at you, but you are stuck in the middle of nowhere with no shelter, umbrella or help.

(please sing title) I hate waiting, waiting & crawling, all I want to do is run to you baby!

Thanks for all the recent comments girls! :) That pic is one of my favs too, friendly little dragonfly didn't seem to mind getting his pic taken at all, LOL! Taco John's is like Taco Bell, they have salty tator tots-potato oles? and oniony bean/cheese burritos, which I am sure are both horrible for me. A cherry limeaid sounds great! Our stove is filling up fast, I hope I don't spill anything with all these pans! ;) FX! ((hugs))

The great job hunt is still on. I hope I find one with IVF benefits and an adoption credit! Hot diggity! I didn't get anymore resumes in since I have been horribly sick the whole second half of this week. OMGoodness. I thought it was the flu at first, but it seems to be a sinus infection now, so that is my final guess. Here is breakdown of the fun- fever 101.87, body aches, bone ache, headache, even skin ache, yuck. Morphing into splitting headache and ending in stuffy nose, clicking ears, and the whole time I had general tiredness and fatigue. I slept 11 hours the first two nights and rested the next night, thought I was ok today so went shopping with Mom and sis and had to take nap as soon as I was done. To be fair, shopping with them is "power" shopping and is always tiring, though not to the point of a nap. Yesterday I was afraid the headache would actually kill me, but finally some migraine medicine kicked in & I didn't have to cry anymore. Fun huh? I am keeping sinus and migraine pills handy for a while. So I haven't finished getting my other resume kit all together yet. You forgive me though right? ;)

I think I erased something on the computer I shouldn't have because I have my new picture cd here, but can't get it uploaded onto computer to share here! I will work on it for next time though. arg I am also taking some pics of some of my cards and journals so other scrapbookers, start getting your pics ready too!

So I have been exploring adoption options and a few things that I need to have for work, are also needed for adoption. Mandatory child abuse reporter, and CPR/1st Aid certificates. I am getting my cpr renewal this week and will sign up for next child abuse renewal too, then all of those will be current- check mark. I am calling local college Monday to see when next foster care parent training is being held, so might be signing up-second check mark. I could use most of these classes for work or adoption so very handy. I contacted a lawyer finding service and left my questions about the adoption so someone can call me back w/advice and their card for when/if the time comes that I need their services- so lawyer check mark.

I have been doing some research on adoption funding options. ugh. It seems to be recommended to try and fund raise on your own as well as use loans, grants, own money and whatever. So I have been thinking of how to do some kind of fundraiser. I am considering trying to sell ribbons and bracelets for the adoption. Fertility bracelets, adoption ribbons and so on. There are some bigger items I could sell also. I could advertise here, but does anyone know of a nice place to get my own website so I could sell items to raise some adoption funds? Preferably a free website, but at least one that is not expensive! I would need to be able to show pics and would love to have a way for ppl to pay online through the site (shopping cart?). Does anyone know where to get my own website? Any other advice or ideas on this plan? Better ways to raise funds?

No word from our friends friend (ie young pregnant girl w/possible baby). Also no af yet for me and no idea when we can do another iui yet. Basically we are just in "taking care of the boring details, but nothing exciting happening" limbo. :0 Aaahhh, I hate this kind of limbo! I like to see big steps, not baby preparation steps.

Baby sparkles to all my friends here in blogger world & at NW! Hope things are moving faster for all of you. :) Loves, TK

Nothing New

Couple random tidbits...

http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/ it is World Breastfeeding Week!

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/ this is great site to see what stuff is in your shampoo or makeup. I was very suprised that even brands I thought would be safe and natural, were not always. :( Now, I need to make a list of the safe brands to shop with, & put it in my purse!

They are opening a Sonic and a Taco Johns near my work. :0

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez this is where I look up medical research online for TTC info I can trust.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?Db=pubmed&Cmd=ShowDetailView&TermToSearch=10521098&ordinalpos=15&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum I will be using 12/34 timing or close to it, on future iui's.

I have a horrible memory. Resumes and job apps are a nightmare....starting wage and ending wage on every job I have had since high school?! I don't know...when I leave a job it goes into the who cares anymore file in my head! aaarrrggg. Just call the company and ask them.

I am developing film tomorrow so new pics soon, and going to dmv for new tags if they are open.

pic is dragonfly in my garden

very very interesting, hhhhmmmm

{pic=K in ocean, OR 2006) *K confirmed we had 2 shipments from TSBofC before we wnt to NW so we have done 13 insems. That is new official #.

K is finally opening to the idea of adoption. She wants to try harder to knock me up now to avoid adoption. Either way would get me a baby so is fine by me, LOL.

It came up because our friend brought up an interesting idea to us. A friend of a friend is pregnant again, has a child already that her parents are raising, and has had a couple of abortions. She is young, teen or early 20's. So our friend said to other girl's friend..."Do you think she would consider adoption instead? K and T have been trying so hard for so long, I could ask if they would want to adopt." They agreed to ask us and her. Of course when she called here, I started crying and said I would agree to whatever she wanted and we would be forever grateful and blessed if she chose to do that. K cried too, but had reservations- same as she has had for any adoptions...will the mom change her mind & take the baby away? How long until the birth parents can't change their mind anymore? Can we afford it? How devastated would we be if it fell through? Could we recover?

We know they haven't even talked to her yet, it is just a glimmer of a chance, floating on a whisper of hope. So we are exploring ALL our options now, & I told K I will keep trying to get pregnant, but I will ALSO start planning for adoption, private or foster-any we can afford. If we hear any news from this girl about choosing to place the baby w/us for adoption, we are definately ready to jump all over it! Scared something might go wrong, but thrilled too! Oh, could the answer even be that easy?!

If you meditate or pray or send energy, please send some thoughts out that something resolves soon so we can have our baby ( bio or not, or both!)!

Kids music that doesn't make you want to poke your ear out

2 posts in one day!

The Laurie Berkner Band is one of my favorite bands that make music for kids, I have heard. We have music EVERYDAY at school so we hear songs over & over. The Wiggles, Greg and Steve and even Raffi, all get old after a while. Some songs of theirs will be funny of course, but Laurie Berkner has songs that are educational, but also fun and rockin'! Picture loud air guitar playing while we dance to "I Know a Chicken" and little rock star faces- eyes squeezed shut, nose wrinkled, fingers movin fast! The song starts slow, but picks up speed till she is rockin out. The song teaches pace as we shake the egg slow, fast or in a circle. My niece (3yrs), myself (30 yrs), my sis(24 yrs) and my mom(50yrs) like to rock out to Berkner's CD's as we drive places. We all sing at the top of our lungs and dance in our seats enuf to shake the car. If you like rock music, try these cd's.


If you want educational cd's look at Dr Jean's CD's. They are very educational for schoolrooms, or home, and many of her songs are funny too. If you like the "Chicken Dance" that everyone plays at weddings...try her Toody Ta song. The whole class dances to directions...feet apart, knees together, tongue out, bottoms up, thumbs up, spin in a circle, eyes shut, a toody ta toody ta toody ta ta. LOL I think it should be the new song for weddings.

Alphabob 2 has a few good songs, like the pirate song- pirate keeps getting interrupted til he quits, and the cowboy song which gets the kids swinging a laso and riding a pony and sounds like you could hear it at any country bar. It sounds like a country line dance song, but funny to see them laso-ing. The rest of the cd is hip hop style music, some ok but some seems like a stretch. They needed more songs to fill cd and so eeehh, <<>>. The alphabet song where they say if the letter is little , tall, or falls (?) is about where the letter lays on the line on the paper. I think many of these would probably be better as videos, but on audio only get a bit confusing, especially for younger kids.

I have added links for their sites on the side of screen.

I'll post more later on this topic. Have a rockin' day!

a baby please!

pic from war protest in Portland OR

* editors note- I mistakinly made a post on our upcoming iui being #12. That should have been #13 or 14, not 12, sorry. I forgot the 1 or 2 home insems we did years ago w/The Sperm Bank of California before we switched to NW. Jeez. Can you believe that!? Points out that we have been doing this too long!

Soooo, I have the menopur in the fridge waiting for iui #14 ( see above editors note!). We will still be waiting for a while before we begin that so it is on hold basically. I'm hoping for Sept. especially since my heart hurts everyday & getting pregnant is all I can think about. My step cousin just had her second baby, & the teacher I work w/now is pregnant and has a 2 yr old son. One of my students mom just had her 8th baby (yes 8th), and two other moms are getting big and roundly pregnant. All these pregnant women are killing me.

K had a dream last night that we had a daughter. She had dark curly hair, a light tannish skin color and bright, electric, pale blue eyes that shocked K as she was born and K was just entranced by her eyes. I asked her if she tried to put her back inside since she really wants brown eyes like hers, but she said no LOL. She thinks her dream was a good sign. She dreamt of Chris, her ex's baby before she was born, so she hopes it is good news for us too. FX, but I don;t want to jinx anything.

I have sent in my resume to 2 different co's here that are hiring for jobs that will be better pay & hopefully have health benefits that include some infertility, maybe iui's or ivf! whoo hoo, that would be great! I am actively job searching to try & change the whole situation. :)

I will take some pics of scrapbooking/cards this weekend and hope to post in the next week or so. If anyone else has some work to share , start taking pics! I wish there was some kind of photo album feature here. I think I can only try to fit 3 pics on top of each post. ? oh well

Brand new pics coming soon! ( all diff ones, not just scrapbooking stuff, LOL) I will also post some of the best young kids music. Some of it is really good- enuf for parents to listen to also!

a dozen eggs for me please

(images are not my pics, just stuff I was playing w/long time ago to make a t-shirt)

12. The big 12. A full dozen. Twelve. We will be moving on to (superovulatory, high tech) IUI #12. TWELVE! I am done to 1 fallopian tube and might get a little tiny bit emotional ( or crazy depending on who you ask), but we are plugging away and still putting one foot ahead of the other. Babysteps-haha. We won't be doing the iui for at least a month or two. We have a broken down car & a few other things to take care of first, but we will be slowly getting things in order. My menupor (sp?) is in the mail to me right now. 4 boxes with 5 vials each. If my dosage stays at 75 iu, that is enough for 4 cycles. If we up the dose, it is still enough for a couple tries. #12, #13, #14, #15...how high can we go?

Did you ever wake up & wonder "How in the heck did I get here?" Did you ever want to go back and shake your younger self & tell her "Wake up! Do you think you can just wait forever? Do you think you will be young forever? Who cares if things are perfect- they never are!" Ahhh regrets....I know, not helpful. ;)

Do whatever is best for you!

{ pic is on Mt St. Helens }

AF started finally. Still don't know what is going on, but what is new. I had a drastic drop down to coverline in 1 day. AF came Sun night at 10pm then Mon morning my temp had dropped 1 full degree exactly. Even w/the time difference, it is the most drastic I have ever had. blah

So the plan for next try has changed a little. I will try letrozal (pill) and menopur(injectible), rather than the clomid and gonal-f. I can't stand the clomid anymore & since I only had 1 (maybe2) good eggs last try, I want a change anyway. The nurse was trying to say I was responding to the meds fine so they would prob stay on same meds- but I told her that 1 egg when I am doing clomid AND INJECTIBLES does not seem like a very good response to me. Regardless, I can't stand the headaches, crabbiness, and crap that I get from the clomid. 7 months of it is enough. Letrozal is supposed to have fewer side affects and do similar work as clomid. Has anyone tried both? Was there a difference for you? DP and I talked about it and we are going to use 2 vials {at least}, from now on too. I know, I know Dr F says there's no meaningful differences in using 2 vials, ...we don't see a significant increase with 2 iui's... BUT I have seen studies on pubmed and other research sites and they point at an increase! My plan is to do 12/34 hours past trigger, or close to it. That was the timing that had the best results in the study. Dr F also poopoos my thought that I was O'ing the morning after I had my trigger shot, but I had a big sharp pinging pain and it was sudden, over quick, and never as strong after that again. I also didn't get pregnant since we didn't do my iui until 35 hrs past trigger and my temps had already gone up. I know most women statistically O 36-44 hrs past trigger shot, but my temps, feelings, and O pain all tell me I went early! I am covering all the bases next time I don't care what he says. We will stay with our new bank and either the same donor or our second choice donor. They are the top 2 producers at that bank, and the vial we saw backs that up!

http://staging.inciid.org/fertinews/iuitiming.html here is the summary of double vs single iui study

I am also actively searching for a new job that has at least partial fertility care coverage. I hope that I can find a new job soon- one that pays better and covers some of our fertility costs! FX! I am also searching for ivf/iui studies or programs that cover part/all the costs. With my blocked tube, I would be happy to do ivf if it was paid for, we just can't afford it on our own. So until then I will keep trying superovulation iui's. ( Once again does 1 or 2 eggs sound like "superovulation IUI" went well? That is not doing well, I am sorry! Jeez Let's up the doses or something! )

I hope everyone is doing well! :) Have a good day! Did I mention it is storming here and it scares K when it thunders, heeheehee- cute. Poor thing, I can't imagine since I think it is relaxing. She thinks I'm crazy, BTW.

confusion

*Before you get excited about the pic, it is old- from my m/c this spring. I have it up again to show why I took both opk & hpt even though you are generally not supposed to use an opk as an hpt. In the pic is the digital hpt shows pos, and at bottom of the pic is an opk which has clear two lines, just not equal in color. The middle test is my real hpt Target brand, which only has the faintest of lines making a cross, you can't even really see the vertical line in the pic it is so light. I was out of hpt's so took the opk. When that showed the clear 2 lines I got the digitals. SO in my mind, at least for me, opk's looked like a more sensitive hpt than the real hpt's. Which is why I have tried both this month, thinking it might just be really early. But even this morning, hpt= -. I don't normally have a continual + opk's through out my cycle either.

Thanks for checkin in on me guys! :) I am ok, feels like af should be coming soon this morning,-some little cramps- but temps still up & my big progesterone veins came back yesterday. Michelle, if you click on the rainbow on the right side of screen, it will take you to my FF chart. ( the rainbow is partially cut off cuz I don't know how to make things fit properly on that side screen! sorry) I don't think I am pregnant really, just more worried that something is messed up medically/hormonally/? My temps have never stayed up before, unless pregnant of course. I also have the positive opk's, but neg hpt's. I am cd 31 today, 18 dpiui. I had a neg beta done on 14 dpiui too. I know positive hpt/opk's all the time, or at the wrong times can be a sign of something medically wrong, some cancers for example. I just don't know what is going on at all.

crazy chart

If you can help with charts, please look at mine and let me know what you think! My temps are up and staying above coverline but all tests came back neg for preg. An OPK was almost dark enuf to be positive. I give up. I don't know what is going on. K is worried we stopped prog shots too soon , but temps went up after we did. blah- I hate this cycle that never ends and is ALL SCREWED UP! When I use so much $ time and shots into a cycle, I hate to find out it was a waste of time! HELP!

Progesterone results for this cycle of torture

My progesterone came in at 19.0 today. Not horrible, but not wonderful either. That # tells me I probably had only one good egg released or I am way off on ovulation date, neither of which is good! But it at least is above the panic cut off, so I don't have to increase my shots to 2 a day again. Thank goodness. Nurse never called me to discuss the number, I think they don't want to talk to me anymore, haha. I am not optimistic overall. I think this cycle was all kinds of messed up. Hope everyone is doin' better than me! ;)

Michelle~ always go with 2 vials at least. Learn from my mistakes! LOL (read past posts from recently)

Fertility Friend is depressing me

Well Fertility Friend is putting Ovulation at cd 12, which is sad since I had my iui the morning of cd 13. :( But on a positive side, that is how it was the month I had my tubal pregnancy too. So I know all hope is not lost, but I sure am still kicking myself for not having more sperm to spread around and cover that earlier time frame. pplllleeeaaahhh. Fudge sticks.
My sister said last night that they are really considering moving to W Virginia this fall. Which is horrible, because even if we moved too, it would be the opposite direction. I was hoping she would move to the west coast or near it at least. I have found out the hard way, that it is better to live near family (somewhat near). We wouldn't see my niece, and they would both be far away. I hope they don't go. I was hoping we could all move in the same area somewhere west, then we could drive over for the weekend or something at least, & if her or I was hurt or in labor or sick, the other could drive over- even if it took a good part of a day.
Hope everyone is doing well, & have a good weekend!


{Pic is at Navy Pier in Chicago, copyright June 2007- just as a technical note...all pics on this blog are copyrighted & should not be copied or used in any way except personal reading of this blog!}

Hello spermy, Nice to meet you Eggy

Thanks for you wonderful comments guys. You are all very reassuring and can always make me feel better!

To answer some questions/replies... yes this was Fed Ex shipping from Midwest to my house. Shipping to the Dr probably would have been better. On the other hand, this vial was better than any I have ever had count/motility wise! Nurse even called Dr F over to look at the microscope because she said it was the best frozen specimen she has seen in a long time. Almost every little spermy was swimming when I looked, so that is good. knock, knock...I don't want to jinx myself.

I did have the earliest iui time they would do- 8 am. My temp did not go up drastically yet, so I think I was panicking for no reason, sorry! That pain yesterday morning was the strongest still, but I am just not going to worry about it anymore since I can't do anything about it. All I can do now is cross my fingers and wait. :) Well, and make a mental note to always have 2 vials minimum!

The iui went better than I expected w/less pain and fewer problems searching for my cervix. It wasn't hiding today, so that made things a bit easier. So after planning on a break, we have this one shot thrown in by surprise. Sink or float time. I am now on day 0 of the tww again. FX and if anyone can throw some sticky baby dust, that would be great. I know the odds are not in my favor, I have 1 good tube, no progesterone, and a variety of problems w/my uterus...but there is always a chance and that has kept me going this long. But at some point I just have to be practical & accept that if this iui fails, I will be a mommy sooner if I move on to ivf or adoption. So for now I am visualizing the little swimmers shaking hands with the little eggy and introducing itself. Then I will spend the next 2 weeks making sure my uterus is as hospitable as possible! All embryos welcome here!

{ Pic is sis and niece in Chicago. }

I can't help but stress- I think it's genetic

pic is detail of a stained glass panel in Chicago at Navy Pier stain glass exhibit.

I am amazed that even after I have done this for what seems like a million tries, I still get all worked up. I should know better by now than to have only one vial, but I let the dr & nurse talk me into using just one & now I get to freak out. We are doing iui at 35 hours past trigger shot, but I felt O this morning, have started climbing out of pre-o dip on temps, have less ovary aches today, and show cervix/secondary fertility signs. So I am panicking that Wed morning wil be too late, my eggs will be old. I am kicking myself for not having a second vial so I could do one at home this afternoon and cover a bigger fertile window. AAAAHHHH! K says I have to relax right now, or I am going to screw it up from being stressed out. Fine! I'm going to mow the lawn. humph