Yay, Aunt Flow is here- we are movin' now!

Yippee! AF finally showed up yesterday! I had a baseline ultrasound and estradial blood test and nurse says everything looked good on both! :) I had several small eggs~like 6 mm and that is normal. I scheduled my HSG test for next Wed morning and we just need that to show that there was no severe damage to my tube. In the meantime I will start the clomid at 100mg CD 3-7 again, then do Gonal F starting the day after last dose of clomid. I will have my u/s & estradial, redone on Mon the 30th and that will tell us how many eggs I have and how big they are. Fingers X'd! That will be CD 11, so if all goes the same as last month, I will probably get my HCG shot that day too. Then it will be time to insem. My sister went with me to u/s this morning and she is going in to work late Wed so she can take me to HSG test.

I can't post a pic today. It either puts the image on there 20 times or leaves huge gaps of space. Blah! Maybe it will be fixed by next post.

I wanted to say thanks for all the wonderful comments from my friends. You guys are great! ((huge hugs))

Here are two baby vidoes that crack me up! I saw the quads when they were on AFV & thought they were too funny then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYO7WUWZsNc

Yesterday I had a breakdown!

OH it was a bad Monday! First My car & lawnmower brokedown this weekend and I had to drop it at the shop. Then Monday morning I had to turn around on my way to work to get my cell phone, got it & started back to work and my phone went black and wouldn't do anything! aarrrggg Then I got to work and it was an ok work day until my break, when my cap suddenly came loose from my tooth! so I am trying not to bump it while I talk, but I called the dentist and she said they could see me at 2 but didn't have a record of giving me any anxiety meds before. Well this is not true, I know because I have never in my adult life gone to the dentist w/out some sort of anxiety medication!!!! Just having my cap loose, with the chance of falling off all the way-WHILE AT WORK- and talking to her on phone, knowing I would be going to the dentist, had ALREADY made me start shaking and getting red in the face with panic. She finally agrees to give me a prescription to pick up and says I will need a ride there and home. So I call my mom at work- no answer, I remembered she has all day meetings! I called K's cell- no answer, she is in class all day. Since my phone is broken, those were the only numbers I could remember. On top of that, I was supposed to pick up my niece from babysitter after work to visit my Gma in nursing home, and I don't know my sisters # or real name of her office! I had no way to get ahold of anyone, My tooth was freaking me out, the lady on phone was mean to me, my cap was only 2 yrs old and shouldn't be falling off.....I lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. Anytime I tried to talk to anyone at work and tell them what was wrong, I started crying again! OMGosh, I have never! I just couldn't help it anymore. I felt like everything was breaking down and until K starts her new job we are strapped. It was too many hits all at once!

This months bills off the top of my head include the reg stuff plus K's car-$600, my car -not sure yet but $1000 easy, my hospital bills- unknown$, my dental bill -$300, the lawn mower is broken-$ unknown, K's first month+deposit (at least) on studio for out of town job-$600-900, work clothes, tools and gas for K's new job-$unknown, ....(toilet is making scary noise-$ unknown-hope it can last!)

So I had to leave work early, crying like one of the students since I couldn't stop. How embarrasssing. The ladies in the office almost didn't let me drive myself, I was crying so hard. Jeez. I just kept thinking EVERYTHING IS BROKEN! Everything I touch breaks! All our belongings, and of course the baby, and I think it kind of snuck up on me. I had been kind of alright since the hospital and I think everything else just piled on top until I couldn't hold it up anymore. I do feel much better now. I made a list of things to do that I am slowly crossing things off each day. I am just taking each thing one at a time. I am trying to look to the future and know that things will get better. I am in a good mood actually, I think I cried it all out! Maybe I just needed to do that. Maybe I hadn't cried enuf about the baby yet. So I know this post made it sound bad, but it really was just yesterday, I feel much better now so don't worry! :)

Speaking of the future, I am already for period to show so we can begin our cycle! I have my clomid and injectibles and hcg and syringes and I am all set. I am kinda glad af hasn't shown up yet since it gives us more time to catch up with all the broken things before we start this cycle haha. Hopefully when I get my HSG done nothing will be broken there! FX

I will keep a detailed log of our protocol and results on here so we are gearing up for exciting stuff! LOL This blog was meant to be about the fertility stuff and instead has become my personal journal- but I promise I will be getting back on track and focusing on fertility details not my bad days! I think right now it is just because I am still waiting for my cycle to begin. I don't have any movement on fertility front so not too much to report! There will be soon though I promise! I do keep adding to the links in sidebar for you to cruise through for info & shopping. Well, I need to check in at NW boards and so how everyone else is so I'll write later. :) TK

ps the Infertility Common Thread color is pomagrante (how do you spell pomegrant?)

organic site

They have info & coupons for organic products, and links for kids.

Also check out http://www.organicvalley.coop/culture/moomom/index.html MOO~ Mothers Of Organic

Have a naturally wonderful day! haha

Variety of things

go to www.naturalfamilyboutique.com?organic for Fuzzi Bunz and other cloth diapers. They save money for you in the long run, save trees and keep tons of waste from polluting our landfills! Plus, they keep harsh chemicals off of your baby! Go reusable!

All-In-Ones
For the best in cloth diapers and baby accessories, visit KellysCloset.com

Well, even if we are not pregnant yet, the great organic baby registry search continues! I will keep posting sites here as I am searching thru them. Kelly's Closet has a very large selection I must say! She even had a wide variety of organic cloth diapers. So many that I started a gift registry there. I am still waiting for my period to come back. If I count the m/c as a regular monthly episode- which my body seems to be doing, then I expect af to visit in 3-5 days. Then we will be able to try again. I can't help but getting hopeful everytime, even tho I try to ignore the whole situation now. I am no where near as excited/stressed as I used to get in the first few cycles! It has become much more routine.
There are a few bumps coming up w/the next cycle. First if K goes on her new job, she won't be here to give me my shots! EEEK! I rreeaallyy don't think I can give them to myself. It doesn't bother me if someone else does it, I just can't look at the needle actually going in me, esp the giant PIO shots! I'd puke! So I need to start lining up volunteers and pick a time of day that I would be able to see these people most often. If I go with 5:30-6:30 timeframe, my sister and aunt will be getting home from work by then I can meet them at their house. My friend I work with said she has no problem doing it and she has some medical background from the military. But if I have her do it at work and she isn't there I could be screwed. Maybe the school nurse could fill in, but she isn't at our school all the time. I would hate to have to freak out, panic and run out of work to closest hospital to find someone to give me my shot, LOL. If her or I were to get a new job w/in the next 4 months, I would again be screwed. I can't go in to my new gov't job asking all my co-workers who could give me a shot in the butt ev day at 2pm. I'll have to do later time even tho it will mean I have to drive to someones house everyday at 5:30 w/all my supplies, sometimes 20-30 minutes away. Oh well, what can I do? <>
My other problem is that I have 2 vials at dr's office but they are 2 diff donors!! My other vial is still in Quarintine at the sperm bank and last minute we decided to just use one last time, so now we ended up w/2 diff donors. This is a problem because I REALLY want to use 2 vials. I have never been comfortable using only 1, and don't want to stress over the timing that much. It worked last time (sortof) but I think just by chance and looking at my temps (BBT chart), I had already ovulated by the time we did IUI. I had HCG sun at 8pm, then Mon morning my temp had a dip and at 9 and 10 am I had ovary cramps (sharp pains for a short time). On Tues morning my temp started going up (but not over coverline yet), I had cervical mucus(cm) and my iui at 9am. I had two more times of the O cramps, one before and one after iui on Tues. On Wed morning my temp had gone up to a post O temp and I started my PIO shots that night.
I had written down a total of 4 times that I had noticed the O pains, and I had 4-5 good sized, ready to pop follies at my ultrasound on Saturday. This time I would like to do one a little sooner to back up the iui at 36 hrs past the trigger shot, but if we do it would have to be with the vial that is a different donor! If I get pregnant that way, we won't know who the donor is until the baby is born and we can tell by their looks or blood type! Since the meds give me multiple follies, there is the chance that we could get twins that were each from a diff donor? Would that be weird for the kids? Would they have to explain how they could be twins and not have same donor? Would ppl not believe them when they said they were twins?
I am also still trying to find a new job. I have applied for a local gov't job which would pay more & have better benifits, but I really dream of working from home! Our local community college just started a new medical transcriptionist program for about $1,350. I would love to start my own biz making specialty giftbaskets! I have great ideas for that, but don't really know how to proceed. The other things I can make at home are gift cards, scrapbooks, or photography. What to do, what to do, hhhmmm. I dunno. I need to start moving on these things though! aahh!

new job for K

{pic is Oregon coast 2006}

I had some kinda good news today. K had a call for a new construction job that is working 7/12's. Whew! That makes a long work week for her, but a nice chunk of overtime $ for us! She does have to stay out of town too, since it is about 3 hours away, but even with the cost of living ther, she will still be making good $ and banking a load of hours towards her work hours/health ins hrs. The paycheck means we can pay off the dr bills we both have, the hospital bills from my visit a couple weeks ago, and fix both our cars, yippee! It will mean she won't be here for the next insem probably, but it won't really change anything since she avoids being anywhere near the action anyway! LOL she thinks using the swimmers is pretty gross and loves it when I go to dr instead of doin' it myself at home. She almost faints at the sight of blood too so I don't take it personally! The job is prob 4-6 months long, so if next insem happens in 2-3 weeks and it does work, she will miss the begining months of pregnancy on a day to day basis. I will be able to go visit her once in a while, and she will get a couple days off once in a while, so we will not be completely apart. I told her if it happens, I will mail her pics of my belly every week. :)

I wanted to say thank you with a great big hug to all my friends who posted such supportive comments here after my last posts. I don't know what I would do w/out my NW friends! I am still trying to keep a positive look on things, but if k's new job works out, it will take some stress off of our $ situation. I think that will help a little. Thanks again guys, your the best! <3

life, death, friends and cancer

(pic is trail in IL)
My friend with cervical cancer went to dr yesterday. I'll call her Amb. The news wasn't really good so far. She goes this morning to get some scans done to see if it has spread anywhere else yet. She will start chemo/radiation next week to try and shrink the tumor, so it will be small enuf to remove! They said right now it goes from one pelvic bone accross to the other. If they can shrink it, then they will do a radical hysterectomy and take out ALL the reproductive organs and ligaments and tumor. In two weeks the rad/chemo will have killed her ovaries and she will begin menapause. Have I mentioned she is 29 yrs old, one month younger than me. We will find out today if it has spread anywhere else. They said she has stage 3b. The next stage worse is 4 and that has stages 4a-4c. Stage 3 only has two levels I guess. Then 4c is the last stage there is.

I have told her that I will take her to appts or help her in anyway I can. I gave her some of my ginger candy to try if she gets nausous (sp?) and I told her I'll pick up some preggo pops to try too. I am making her a little book ( I scrap and make cards all the time), and I want to put pics of friends and family members in it so she can take it with her and know that even if all of us can't be with her all the time, we all still care and will be thinking of her while whe is at dr's.

I want to find a small sized pic of cells fighting off and killing cancer cells to add to book for her to visualize on- if anyone has something like that they could post that would be great. Also if anyone knows anything else her friends could do for her, or anyhting we should be prepared for that I might not have thought of, anything you could tell me, that would be great.

Between her cancer and losing the baby, this has not been a good month for me so sorry if I have been short or brainless. Amb was my first girlfriend too (11 yrs ago) when we were teens. We have been friends since then. I have added vigorous HPV testing to my list of appts at RE's office- more fun! (sense the sarcasm) I am asking all of you to also test for HPV. Not just the pap. but actual HPV test.

On top of this it is just a month til my sisters wedding and my Grandma no longer knows who I am when I visit. I am crying at the drop of a hat these days. To make it more fun, my DP K is still worried that I will leave her for Amb in her time of need. Bleepin bleep. I mean get w/it! We don't need to be fighting about this! Amb is sick- really, really sick, I doubt she is thinking anything about getting down my pants for cryin out loud. But K is worried because we have our own relationship issues and thinks I will look for some love outside our relationship. She said she is older than me and has seen how these things go, I will spend more time w/Amb then I guess we will decide to be together. Even though we have managed for 11 yrs not to sleep together and even lived as roommates before. Whatever. K says Amb would not be there for me like this if situation was reversed. You know, I agree with that. Most of my friends seem to be flakes, it is almost always me who calls them, who wants to get together, who sees how they are,... that is fine. I understand they are flakes and that if I didn't put in the effort, none of us would stay in contact. I accept that. If that means they wouldn't be there for me if I were sick- that will be their own bad karma. I am not going to not be a nice person/friend just because they wouldn't! I am not going to choose to be a bad friend since they are! I guess they are all just lucky I am their friend. Haha

But do you know what? I am still kinda young, but I have realized that life is short, memories are what you make, and people aren't around forever. My grandpa died of Alzhiemers (sp?) almost 2 yrs ago, and other family has died too. I found out when I was 20, that I have a chronic illness that will slowly take away my mobility. I will be in a wheelchair eventually. I have moved accross the country for years, and then moved back. I have known kids I went to school with who have been shot or committed suicide. I have had friends live with, and die from AIDS. When I was growing up, I lost 2 dads to divorce. I have been lucky in a way becuase I have noticed young, that people come and go in your life. Life itself comes and goes. The friends that have known you a long time, and seen you at you worst or doing stupid things and still talk to you and love you.....those are people you should hang on to, even if it means that you have to call them. They are also the ones who will laugh with you and listen to you ramble on about your own life. They are the ones who won't care if you throw up, or fall down, or crash at their place. They are family, flakey or not, and if I am going to be hiking around on a hilly trail, I at least want to see some familiar faces around the bend occasionally.

Oregon Oregon Oregon

(Second pic is wild flower from a statepark in OR, near Cougar Hotsprings last summer, & first pic is a natural wood bench on coast near a lookout area from same trip. Both taken by me and all my pics are copyrighted, please do not use/copy w/out permission.)

Kim is homesick again and I feel so bad. I forced her to live in Iowa instead of Oregon. She misses her family who live in OR. I understand that she wants to go home. If I compare OR and IA, OR wins even with me! The only reason we live here is because my family and friends all live here and they are very supportive. When we first moved here, my grandparents were ill. I was able to be here for my grandpa's death and funeral, and now to visit grandma. My mom helps us with all our repairs on the house by buying supplies and helping w/the work. My mom, sister and I do stuff together all the time. We garden together, scrap book together, shop together....talk almost everyday. We could afford a house here and would never be able to own a home in OR, since they are so expensive there. My mom loves babies and being a grandma and I don't want to keep her from any kids we have. Two of my oldest friends lived in OR with me and have both moved back here too so now we have only one good friend living in OR still.

However, Kim's family is in OR and Portland is a lesbian capitol. The entire state is beautiful and environmentally friendly. Almost everyone there, thinks more like us! There is the coast, the mountains, the desert, hotsprings, waterfalls, hiking trails, wild camping, ferns, fresh air, wild animals, huge slugs, fewer bugs, Saturday Market, more hippies, middle road temps year round, a huge Pride Fest, more artists, Union work for Kim and lesbian friendly union benefits. I was covered on her insurance there, unlike here. I would love for my children to live and love Oregon the way we do.

In OR I have soaked in a natural hotspring with snow all around us in the middle of the woods. I have swam in a stream with beavers and lifted my hands out of the water along the shore so I could see that I was holding 20 soft & cute salamanders in my hands as they crawled around. I watched birds soaring, and ocean waves lapping. I walked through woods so fragile, beautiful, green and lush that you could almost hear the forest fairies dancing and laughing while you walk by. I have tried to breath in and memorize the smell of the fresh mountain air so that I would be able to smell it the rest of my life, no matter where I was. I have stood on a park bench and watched 10,000 other gay/lesbian/trans/bi family members walk together with love to the waterfront park to celebrate our lives and heal our wounds. I have cried with happiness at the beauty of things, many times in Oregon. Just as I cry now while typing this becuase I am so far away from it now. I miss Oregon and so does Kim. My family lives here though and for now we are choosing them even if it is killing ou spirits a little all the time.

My old ttc notes from message board

These are my old posts of updates on where we were in ttc. They are backwards so most recent ones are on top. Boring background info haha.

Recovery and try #9~ I talked to Dr F who wants to do another HSG to make sure that the HSGto make sure my tube is still clear after the tubal. He has agreed that we can start up the medications (clomid first) prior to HSG in the hope that it will be ok and we can go on with the injectibles and do another IUI. We will do same protocol as last time. FX Oh please oh please oh please! I will limp thru this again.

AI#8 con't~ did get BFP, First beta was 12 and prog was 12.5, two days later beta was 43 and prog up to 22.2, then beta was 412 tested four days after last test. Went to ER with pain and beta was down to 367. Blood was found internally near end of tube/ovary. Suspect a tubal pregnancy that ruptured near end of tube. I am being watched to make sure bleeding stops on its own and everything should be reabsorbed. Will have blood count and beta done again in few days. Progesterone shots were stopped. Dr said we will do same protocol next try since it did work this time. Will have to wait 1-2 months and probably have another HSG done. If beta doesn't go down on its own, they will try to give me a shot to break it down. They are trying to avoid surgery. * everything seems to be going down on its own. Beta was down to 226 (? or 2 something) on Monday. Looking good so far, as no medical intervention needed.
(AI#8 con't)*progesterone test done 7dpo, results were 38.4! Before they have ranged from 1.6 to 11.1 mostly around 4-7. So the PIO shots are working, finally!
AI#8= IUI done Feb 20th, 2007, 4 to 5 big follies were on u/s a few days before so hopefully we had a couple targets. I took clomid cd3-7 then Follistim injectibles cd 8-10, HCG shot of 10,000 iu on cd11. IUI in morning on cd 13 so we are once again waiting, waiting, waiting. I will be taking 1cc PIO shots every day starting today & progesterone check 7 dpiui to make sure they are working.
Try #7 -Jan '07= Clomid 100mg, u/s on cd11 showed follie at 17mm & 3 tiny ones at 13x14mm. Had 5,000 units HCG shot the next day. I will get the other 5,000 of HCG in 5-7 days to try to get body to make progesterone on its own. Having an iui w/a new dr (well nurse actually). FX!
try #6 =BFN prog tested at 9.3 cd21, then at 4.6 taken 3 days later. Was on 200mg prometrium, then 400mg prometrium for the second test.
Did clomid cd3-7, u/s on fri Nov 24th showed 3 follies. Had another u/s on Mon. U/s also showed a small fibroid no one has mentioned before, but she said it is small & not in a bad location so shouldn't be a problem. Fx. did a trigger shot too.
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Try#5 (1st try on clomid) clomid 50 mg, cd 5-9 = bfn
You can take a look at my chart at the following web address: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/10786e
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting discouraged. We have done 6 AI's & I have low progesterone. 7.8, 3.1, & on 400mg prometrium suppositories we get...dah dah dant da...11.1! whoopdy! I also have a backwards and tilted uterus/cervix that leans to the right. Everything is opposite from where it should be, ...figures. {I am always sick enough to be weird, not sick enough to have a def diagnosis and treatment plan!}
Small fibroid on uterus {seen Nov 24th 2006}.
Right ovary has been slightly larger than left one, & more sensitive/painful. Hopefully that is normal.
Come on baby, I've been waiting 29 years!
~~~~~ Sticky, speedy, baby conceiving dust to all of us!~~~~~

T & DP K ai #8-BFP ending in loss,

Planning ahead

A great big "Hello!" to Berrymom and Michelle, thanks for the comments/support. It is nice to know I am not the only one reading this, LOL. I am going to list your blogs here on my bloglinks. Hello to all my NW friends!

I saw Dr. F today, (my RE) about going ahead with HSG test to make sure my tube is still clear and ttc again. He agreed that I can start the clomid once my cycle starts and then we will do HSG before I start my injectibles. That way if all looks good on HSG, we will be able to insem too! Yippee! Now if anyone knows a good discount place to get more Follistim, I would love to know about it! (...or HCG or Progesterone in Oil) Dr F gave me a flyer for one place...they said Follistim price would be $199 for one 300 unit vial. I forgot to ask them about HCG or PIO.
If the HSG shows damage, he may have to remove a section or all of the tube. The last time I had HSG done, I thought I would die the pain was ssssooooo bad. Dr F said that is becuase the radialogist did it and didn't give any pain meds. He is going to give me a local on my cervix that should block any pain. He said to take Ibuprofin too-aaaaahhhhh,.... yeah! I will have K or my sister take me too, so I don't have to drive afterward.

So now I need to get all my meds lined up and ready to goand decide which vial to use. We only used one last time and ended up with 2 vials at dr's office- one each of two diff donors. arg. Do we go with the vial that has lower sperm count and slower swimmers, but does have many successful pregnancies on his side (D3).........or do we use same donor as last time who has faster swimmers, more swimmers, but possibly damaged swimmers, (call him D5)? I would be freaked out the entire time I was pregnant with the D5 swimmers, until I knew I wouldn't lose the baby and that it was healthy. We have both vials at the dr's office so eventually we would need to use it. I just don't know which to try first. 2 losses in a row might break me.

My sister's wedding is coming in early May so there is a lot of hoopla going on there. My mom is driving her nuts since she realized that as her only straight daughter, my sister's wedding would be the only one she can go Momzilla on. Haha! I escaped that one! Now that sis knows about the babymaking plans, I can make her give me the shots if we go somewhere without K. She has a weekend getaway planned for her girls night out and K will not be going, so I told sis she would have to step in if I need any shots.

{ Todays pic is one I took of my niece at a wedding last year. }

Click here to visit Mommas Baby to purchase items.

regular not good day

When I was leaving work today a woman I'll call J was in the office. She has been gone for a long time, and is now obviously pregnant. This makes me want to call her names in my head, or pinch her, or something. Before you think this is just me being mean (I'm really not!) , you need to know....J is the same woman who quit her job w/school district becuase the kids in her class were "not cute enough" for her to work with them. WHAT! Sorry, they don't transfer ppl to different classes until you find a class you think is attractive enuf for you to care for. aaaarrrggg. Mind you, I work in a preschool so generally they are all "cute". She also wanted to know where we kept all the little desks and when we would start the days school lessons. ? That was just the start of our dislike for each other. It con't to get worse as she spent her work hours flirting with any man around and leaving the rest of us to do work, but really my main complaint is.....this woman who is in no way maternal and thinks preschoolers are like handbags or fashion accessories, and talks to kids that aren't "cute" enuf for her as if they are scum of the earth w/squinted disgusted eyes, .....this woman is going to have a baby and I am not. I don't get it. Hopefully she has changed since last I knew her. Maybe she is a diff person now.

I really miss my "pregnant" body. I know I wasn't even that far along, but I already had lots of changes in my belly and boobs. I sneezed and had hiccups. I especially miss my boobs! Now I want the big ones back, and I never thought I was a big boob wantin' kind of girl. I miss the happy feeling that I had finally done it, that I would finally have a baby. I just felt different all around and I miss it. The baby would have been due around the time of my Mom and late grandpa's B-Days so I was excited to tell my Mom too. I still haven't told her about the baby and loss there of. { I don't like to talk to her about anything "medical". I had fractured one of my ankles and went home for a visit. When I was here, my Mom took me to the bike path for a walk and took away my crutches since I "didn't need them". She like to say things like "put it in a box and lock it away" "shake it off, you'll be fine", and "unless your arm is broken or falling off you don't need to see a dr". It isn't that she is mean, just so tough herself, that everyone else seems like a wuss, especially me. }

I am getting worried about what the dr will say. He still hasn't called back yet. I want to ttc again as soon as I can, but they want me to wait. If my tube was damaged does that mean I can't IUI anymore?

My friend stood me up again today too. She was going to come over & didn't show up or call. Most of my friends are flakes. I hate that.

I guess I am just not having a very good day today, I better just go to bed and trade this day in for a new one.

Fertility History- my uterus wears sunglasses (basic notes too)

We started out doing home insems. I kept a chart of my cycles and took supplements. I read "The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception Pregnancy and Birth". We started out with The Sperm Bank of California, but switched to North West Cryo Bank later. After a while, I started having basic tests done to check my hormone levels, and thyroid, diabetes and other health problems that can hinder fertility. I have always had long and heavy periods.
I had an HSG done which they said was normal. I went to a radiologist to have the HSG and he hurt me really badly when just inserting the speculum- which should have been my warning to leave! After the test started it was so painful that I really thought he was killing me. I laid on the table trying not to move, focusing on the idea of holding my baby in my arms and screaming in total pain while tears streamed down my face and the nurse squeezed my hand and begged me to breath.
Ultrasounds showed I have a tipped and tilted uterus and a small fibriod. All my reproductive organs are leaning the wrong way, so the cervix points upward toward my stomach with the top of my cervix facing my back. Most of the time your cervix faces towards your spine, with the top of your uterus towards your belly. Mine also leans to the right somewhat. At the top of my cervix, it is tipped over like a floppy ear. That is why I said it is tipped and tilted (retroflexed). Most of my searches on the net talked about tipped, tilted or retroflexed uterus as the same thing- the tipped over top part that has flopped down and usually just pops back up on it's own when pregnancy starts to fill it. I don't have a better name for the leaning the opposite direction. My dr's have all described it as a laid back reclining uterus, trying to lounge around. I picture it wearing a little pair of sunglasses and trying to get a tan in a lounge chair.
Hey! Lazy ut..er..us, enuf tanning! Get to work, you can relax later, thanks!
All of my tests for health and hormone problems came back normal except progesterone. My prog is always low. I tried oral progesterone supplements, then vaginal suppositories (fun!) but none of them worked. I tried clomid and HCG trigger shots, still nada. {HCG triiger shots do just that, they trigger release of your egg(s).} I tried all of them together at the same time, zip. The clomid we did at 50mg first, then went up to 100mg. The HCG we tried 10,000 all at once and 5,000 two times, five days apart. Always I would have 1 or 2 follicles and low progesterone.
Finally, I was able to try clomid at 100mg for cd3-7, then start injectibles (Follistim) that we shot into my stomach each day. (cd= cycle day) I was monitored with ultrasound to check on follie size and number. When the follicles were big enuf, we then did a 10,000 unit shot of HCG to release the eggs. I had 4 to 5 good sized follies this time-whoohoo! After the trigger shot I had one IUI at 37 hours past the shot. then I started on PIO shots. Progesterone In Oil shots (PIO) was the last chance effort to raise my progesterone levels and keep them up. It seemed to work! My first prog test at 7 days past ovulation showed a level of 38!!! My highest # before was 11.1 so this was very exciting. We had to do the shots everyday at the same time and they are huge! At first it wasn't to bad, but as time goes on oil builds up and starts to hurt if touched. ugh. I kept doing that until home pregnancy tests and my blood test (beta) came back positive! My prog was taken then too, and when my beta came back 12 (+), my prog had dropped to 12.5 (not high enuf). So I was told to increase my shots to twice a day, 12 hrs apart. (gggrreeeaaattt.) That helped and my levels went back up to low twenties.
Since that was the protocol that got me pregers last time, we will do the same things this time. I am hoping all my pin holes heal a little before we start again. My backside still hurts from the oil shots so I am hoping it will heal more too. Since the donor we used had another miscarriage the same month I did, with the only other pregnancy I know of, we are very worried that there is a genetic problem with him. I have another vial, as well as vials from a previous donor and we will have to decide which to use. I would be scared to death the entire pregnancy if I did get preg w/same donor. I am thinking of using the older donor first, then we can try again with last vial if this next cycle fails.
If anyone has any power of prayer or meditation or visualization or pagan rituals, or baby dust...anything, PLEASE ask for me to heal quickly and get a healthy pregnancy and baby from our next try. I don't know how much more I can take!

Is there a Dr in the house?

Hi! Well I am feeling much better now, but it has been a rough month health wise for everyone I know! My oldest friend confirmed her diabetes and high sugar levels, my co-worker has a bulging disk, I had my m/c and now my second oldest friend has cancer. My friend with cancer is one month younger than me. Her tumor sounds big and her first cancer dr appt isn't for a month! I am really worried about her. ( It doesn't help that my DP is jealous of her since this friend was my first girlfriend. Ugh, Lesbians are friends after breakups, how did my girl not get that essential memo from dyke headquarters? )
Oh well, I am in a wierd space... trying really hard to remain cheerful and pleasant and upbeat, but I really just want to lay down and stare at the sky and not get up all day. I am 29 years old, all of my friends should not be fighting chronic or life threatening diseases! I really feel like I should DO something to take my friends cancer away, I wish I could lazer it out like superman. I feel helpless.
If our next try works once we can ttc again, I will have to be pregnant for the whole first trimester knowing the entire time that it could end again at any moment. I like the idea of enjoying the present and being happy to be pregnant and having happy memories of that time, but the more I let myself be happy, the longer I will have to fall if I lose it again. I don't know how well I would take it. We were going to use the same donor again, but the another person who used that donor around same time as me also just had a m/c. (hugs to you again!) Now I am freaked wondering if there is a reason we both lost our babies? Do his swimmers have a slight abnormality? I have a vial waiting at my dr's office that I am scared to use, but what can I do? We will probably use a different donor for our next try at least.
So over the next couple months, at the same time I will be trying, once again, to fill my womb with life, my friend will be having surgery to take hers out.

So I better explain what happened. Thursday night I started having really bad pains in my stomach and side, went to ER and had tests done. The ultrasound showed blood in my stomach around the end of my left tube and ovary. They think my pregnancy was a tubal that was at very end so luckily (or unluckily?!) it seemed to have blown out the end rather than needing surgery to cut it out of the middle. So I get to keep the tube, but not the baby. We were both crushed. We spent the night in the hospital and I am still getting blood drawn every few days. K has been taking great care of me and I am feeling much better. We both decided to try and keep looking forward and try not to think about it too much. We are focused on getting things ready for our next try.
My dr kept saying that this means I CAN get pregnant so it is good too, not all bad. We just need to do same protocol we did last time, and try again. I try to take comfort in that, since this was our 8th try and I was begining to wonder if I could get pregnant at all. He will do another HSG to make sure my tube is all clear still. The last HSG hurt so bad I thought I was going to die, so I will be asking for some strong pills!
K is making noises in other room, which I can tell mean that I had better get off darn computer soon, so I better go now. I will post more details about out TTC protocol and long history later,...oooohhh cervical mucus and pee on a stick, oh boy! I know you can hardly wait, LOL!

My boobs are optimistic and pineapple brings my period.

So my HCG levels have been steady going down since the whole trip to the hospital. Which is good in a way since I won't need any medical intervention as long as my body can heal and reabsorb everything on its own. No medical intervention means we can try to get pregnant again that much sooner. But while my hormone levels have gone down, my boobs took a long time to get the memo. They kept growing after there wasn't any hope, and even last night ( the day before I started my period) they kept getting increasingly "pregnant". It was a bit frightening just how suddenly they do things. I never thought that from one trip to the bathroom, to the next, I would be able to see a easily noticable size jump. One night they hurt really bad and when I went to bed I peeked and almost fell down I was so shocked at these big things that had grown in a matter of hours! WOW. It was fun being pregnant, I really miss it already and can't wait to be preggers again.
I started eating pineapple this morning to try and hurry on the bleeding, since sitting out for 2 months already seems long enough & the dr said it could be a couple weeks before I even start my period. It worked and I started bleeding today. The last time I tried to rush a cycle, I ate pineapple for 2 or 3 days and it started (4 days early) too! I avoid all pineapple during the TWW. I could just be crazy, but why tempt fate?

Click here to visit Mommas Baby to purchase items. I've been searching to find the best places online to buy organic cloth diapers, and cute little things. So as I find good sites for things I will share them with you! www.naturalfamilyboutique.com?organic so here are two sites for you to shop.

I still don't believe it, but last weekend we had our first pos home pregnancy tests (hpt's). Yay! Our first blood test was pos with hcg level of 12 and progesterone level of 12.5. Two days later we did tests again and hcg was 43, prog 22.2. Tomorrow I go in for third round and hopefully the numbers are still going up, up, up! It has been 5 days since the last blood test so the numbers should be a bunch higher by now. Fingers crossed! If they are lowering, it will mean that the baby didn't stick in there and we will lose the pregnancy. We have been trying to get pregnant for years, so we are more than ready for this time to be the one and more than a tad nervous about something going wrong. We are both afraid to believe that this could be it, and are scared to trust that it will work out well. We are both so nervous, it has seemed like foorreeevveerrr since the last blood test. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to post some more happy news. Fx