checkin' in

http://dev.lllusa.org/wbw/index.php Well that was supposed to be a blinking banner that rolls through 5 or so statements. Mine doesn't change. You could go to their website to see all the banners & info on it though!

We are trying to transfer our last D300 vial to another client who is trying for a full sib for her daughter. We don't need it so we will let her try. :) Then we will be spermless once again! haha

I don't know what we are going to do from here on out. I beleive I have gotten briefly pregnant 3 times now. Last spring once we suspect it worked but lost it early, but it is not confirmed. Then the 5 & 1/2 week along "tubal" -still the best guess diagnosis since I was pregnant and had bleeding all around one ovary/tube. Then this last cycle we tried again and it did work for just a couple days, before the cycle ended in a bfp. So I am concerned that something is wrong that is keeping me from sustaining a pregnancy. I don't want to keep doing things if they will never work. My doctor is not keen on testing for anything. We do plan on doing the HSG this month, since we didn't get the insurance approval until it was too late, last cycle. I will consider aspirin therapy, but I don't know what else is available. I also will not take clomid again since I have tried it for 6 months. That is the limit they say you should use it in your lifetime & there are other meds that are supposed to have fewer side affects anyway. So goodbye clomid. I don't know when we will try again, or if we will, or what we will do now.

I have been crazy busy here, with just life crap so haven't been around much. We had Sister's wedding, are getting ready for my friend w/cancer's benefit, work, bills, our basement backed up-gross!, my car broke down & is getting fixed, trying to get yard ready for summer,...I can't even think of what else. I am pooped & brain dead.

I don't really post much at NW anymore. When everything gets crazy I just sit it out. I do check in on everyone there when I get a second- which hasn't been very often lately! I do hope everyone is well and happy. :)

K & I are both looking at our jobs, trying to find better ones, re-evaluating our baby situation, looking at everything again I guess. We need to make some changes! I am trying to set up an account on a web site to sell my photographs & thinking about doing medical transcriptionist. I will try to start posting regularly again soon. :) Talk to you soon!

She saw the crowd & froze on the isle!

This is the back of Sis's wonderful dress, their cake of three flavors with edible candy flowers, and Niece's flower basket after she put her pal Jaguar in it for a ride. The kid really likes big cats! She did let Gma do her hair, but only cuz she used my comb to do her stuffed puppies hair and put bobby pins on his ears at the same time. She only made it as far down the isle as I was taking pics, then said she was scared and froze. Gma had to take her to a chair w/her. Everything else went well! After the wedding, she did go up & down the isle throwing her petals. LOL

whew! I feel like I don't ever get a chance to get on here & relax anymore! LOL Now that Sister's wedding is over, it will be a little less busy, hopefully. The wedding was in our parent's back yard & was short n' sweet- just how she likes it. ( Me too! For a variety of reasons, as a photographer & a lesbian. haha) It was all beautiful and the reception was fun even though I couldn't drink since in the TWW. :)

My friend w/cervical cancer does want some help w/planning her benefit that is the first week of June. She asked if I could help find business donations to raffle/auction off as prizes. Eeeck. (Online biz's welcome in case you have your own & want to advertise!) She is a lesbian, but the benefit will be a wide mix of ppl, -family and friends. So I could ask just about any kind of biz, but I am not a pro at this stuff so I will have to ask my mom for advice. She has done that sort of donation raising before for benefits. I'll try! :) We are going to make cervical cancer ribbons to sell too.

My mom has baby fever too. She told me she was babysitting my new nephew. ? Who? My brother's new puppy. Oh man, I hope I am knocked up so I can give the lady another grandbaby! Every time someone brings around a baby I am afraid she will try to sneak it into her coat & run home. hahaha

Oh, my progesterone was 24.6 BTW. Pretty good I guess. Not as high as I was hoping for, but since I get single digits w/out the PIO shots, it is a big improvement for me! I heard the PIO gives you about 10 points, and the Dr wants to see about 10 points to look like you O'd one egg. So I'm guessing this level matches my estrodial results and points to two, maybe three eggs really being released. So one of them now just needs to get fertilized (well already by now FX), dig in and get cozy, and divide, be healthy and grow in there! Stick little baby, grow healthy in my uterus please! Let your cells multiply healthy and fast, and grow into a full term bouncing baby! FX! Oh for goodness sake, please.

Progesterone vs BFP symptoms quiz

To previous comments, (I always feel like I should respond, LOL!):

Meg- Thanks, & yes that makes me feel better to know you start prog at 24 hrs past last iui!
Michell- Thanks! Marshmallows & jello...well gelatin, is made with bone. yuck! LOL

Pic is the finished product from candy making Sat, all bagged & ready for the reception hall.

I take progesterone to help sustain any pregnancy I might manage to have, ha ha ha. ( hear the sarcasm?) Anyhoo, progesterone can give you many symptoms that seem like pregnancy. Last cycle, when I did get a temporary bfp, I had symptoms again, but there were differences! Now I have some ideas on what to watch for to see if it is bfp or progesterone, so here it goes: Take the quiz!

Sneezing and hiccups ....progesterone sign or bfp cycle sign? ding ding ding- bfp cycle! Weird huh? Painful boobies....ok trick Q, happened during both, but during bfp my nipples were very sore, sensitive, and hot. On prog whole boob is full and sore to pressure. Tired...prog or bfp? Again both w/a difference, prog makes me more sedate in general, but w/bfp I had a couple days when I could barely keep my eyes open & actually took naps, which I don't do. It was only for about 2 days around 9-10 dpo I think. Then I perked back up enuf to stay awake! Nausea.... prog or bfp? Progesterone has made me feel sick alot but didn't really with bfp. Bigger boobs... prog or bfp? Both really, but again even bigger w/bfp and areolas got bigger too. Much bigger changes overall, than what I get w/just prog and bfn. Big veins show up on chest.... prog or bfp? Prog makes this happen every time.

So basically I am hoping to start sneezing & get painful boobs (& nipples) soon! FX So far nada. Blah. I know I am only like 5 dpo, but still! I am bummed because my boobs are still not even progesterone sore, let alone bfp sore. Calling all good wishes & prayers- 2 more days til prog test! FX!

Good luck to all my cycle buddies! (((hugs))) TK

Stress and Candy

My pic is choc coated marshmallows I made yesterday w/mom & sis. We then stuck all the sticks into chinese food box type containers w/green grass in them. They are now ready to be very cute, edible decorations at my sisters wedding next weekend! Can you believe I worked that hard & they didn't even buy any vegetarian marshmallows so I could eat some too? Jeez, lol!
It is the first week of the tww so I like to over analyze & find new things I wish I had known ahead of time so I can torture myself. ha ha I second guess all my decisions now, while I wait for time to have my progesterone tested (Thurs), and then POAS (long time). Let's share some stress!

• Did you know other fert dr's say to start PIO shots at 3 dpo? Mine has been letting me start kinda whenever, but says to do it the day after my iui. (1 dpo) ack! Does anyone else start so early w/progesterone? I do make sure not to start it until at least 48 hrs past my trigger, so I can be fairly sure that I already O'd.
• I never did get a + on my opk's this month. What does that mean? Did I even O? I have never had that happen before, even when using the trigger shot & other meds. I have still been having O like achy pains, which hopefully are just the unruptured follicles that I didn't use. I hope at least a few did get released! ugh
• I am on antibiotics & antivirals, that can't be good, but can't be avoided either.

Well more stress later, I have to go to bed so I can get up for work- phooey.

Gross things

(pic is in FL on vaca, feeding the seagulls)

When I went in & had my first IUI, the nurse told me that my insurance co had called and approved my HSG. Thanks. A bit late now. Sigh...SO if this cycle is a bfn, I can someday have a HSG done. If I have another tubal I will be angry w/them. The dr said I have about a 20% chance of having a second one. One increases your chances of having another. That's crappy, I must say. The HSG would tell us exactly how much damage (if any) that I have, & at the same time clear my tubes out making it less likely to happen again.

So here is some TMI for you...my boobs started having some tingling and zippy feelings today- BEFORE I had my first PIO shot tonight. Yippee doodles! That tells us that I have some progesterone flowin'. My cervix had also closed and lowered this morning. So far all signs are good that we had fair timing. :) We did have a little PIO mishap though. When K gave me my shot I bled. Alot. Like gushed out and all over the bed. I looked back & thought "She hit a vein, I'm gonna bleed to death!", but it stopped right away. Whew. It was scary though & I am worried that she did do my shot into a vein which would mess up the progesterone absorbtion time or amount or something. Please no! Has anyone else ever done that? Is it alright? Will it hurt anythng?

I am on antibiotics & antivirals, :( but dr & pharmacy both say they are safe for pregnancy so we'll see. They are only for a week and low doses. My jaw keeps swelling up and my dr doesn't know why and doesn't seem to believe in testing. She likes to throw some drugs on it & see if it gets better. She said it might be a salivatory duct stone. WTCrap? Like kidney stones but in my saliva duct. Let me explain here, that I get sick and it is usually something weird enough to be annoying or strange or hard to diagnose, but not to the point of being life threatening. (normally) ACK! I hate that! I would love to be sick w/something average and easily curable. LOL Hopefully, none of this will affect any possible implantation or baby, and my face will stop swelling up like a waterballoon. Embarrassing! I can only guess what the people at work think!

Hope you are all having a less messy and gross day! LOL

Here we are

{pic is from camping trip in Feb}

Both IUI's are done! I'm now into the TWW and PUPO, heehee. K is very sternly telling me that we will NOT get excited and NOT tell anyone that we are trying this time. She insists it will jinx us. Infact we will NOT be getting excited, even if we get a bfp, until we get to the 6 week u/s & know that it is in the right place & everything looks ok. Then we plan to continue with careful quiet optimism until well into the second trimester. I guess once we can't hide the belly any more, it will be about time for us to feel ok about shouting it from the roof tops.

My first iui was at 6 hrs past trigger shot, & second was at 29 hrs past. So far I have had the normal crampy bloated feelings. I will start the Progesterone in oil shots tomorrow night, which will be more than 48 hrs past trigger. My estrodial was only 430 so I probably had 2 or 3 real eggs. The other follicles should shrink? or something? I dunno. But 2-3 was my end eggie total.

OH, whew. I can't believe I am here again. I don't want to have to come back any time soon.

eggie update

{pic is peacock in WA, couple yrs ago}

Just a quick eggie update... as of this morning all 3 eggies on left have grown and are ready averaging 20mm. The right side eggie team has a leader at 20mm, one at 18mm and a scraggler at 15 mm. AAHH well, not everyone can make it to first place in the race I suppose! I haven't gotten the estrodial result yet, but hopefully it is close to 1000. I will def get the trigger shot sometime today! Yippee! Grow eggies, grow!

Waiting for the follies to grow

Well Mondays u/s showed 6 follies all averaging around 15 mm each. 3 on each ovary. ( I was hoping for most to be on the right, due to tubal on left. shrug. ) My Estrodial was only about 230 though. :( So I took two more days of gonal-f (for a total of 5 days). I go back in Wed morning at 7 am to check follies and estrodial again. They should be ready to go! Nurse #2 said they should grow about 2mm ev day, so by morning they expect them to be around 19-20 mm. My estrodial should go up too, FX! They want to see roughly 1 follie for every 200 units of estrodial. The less estrodial I have, the fewer of the follies actually contain good eggs. aahhh sigh.

To keep my mind off the waiting, I have kept myself nauseous all week. My tooth had a cap that came off & couldn't be fixed. So the dentist is putting in a bridge. I have a dental phobia and get some sort of sedation when I go to the dentist & I have been having a BAD reaction to the lorazopram stuff. I took it twice this week & both times have left me sick for 2 days! Yucky sick and shaky headed. Fun fun! I keep telling myself it is practice for morning sickness, HA!

Todays pic is a Mexican Blanket Flower from our yard last summer.

Shipping of swimmers

Here is pic of Dewar that our swimmers come in when shipped from sperm bank. This is the dewar with top lifted off and I am lifting the handle up that lifts the canes up so you can reach them. You can see 3 canes showing in the middle. Those are then lifted and on each one a vial (or more than 1) are stuck to them. You can then pull a vial off the cane and defrost it. The dewar (tank) actually stays inside the box the whole time. Everything inside is very cold & you are supposed to wear gloves to touch any of it-including vial until it defrosts. ( My nurse did not wear gloves at last iui, making me wonder about how cold it really is, but that is was instructions say so better safe than sorry! Good thing she didn't see my face when she reached in with bare hand & popped the vial off. I thought we would have to go to the ER for a second!)

HPT's and OPK's my friend & enemy

Here is a pic of the tests I used last time. This was at 12 DPIUI (days past iui). The middle test is a Target brand HPT taken with FMU (first morning urine). You can't really see it, but there is a faint line going up and down too, making it a positive result. It was so faint, I wasn't sure it was real, so I held my pee for 4 hours then tried again with the top HPT which is a clearblue easy digital. It said pregnant, as you can see! Just for kicks because I was all out of HPT, I used a OPK at the same time as the CBE digital test. I think the opk is an Answer brand midstream test. It would read negetive if being used as an opk, but when used as an HPT, it has a clear fairly dark line which tells me that I am either ovulating or have enuf HCG to be pregnant! If you go to peeonastick.com she explains very clearly how opk's can be hpt's. I won't attempt the long explanation here, LOL. SO... all three tests do show + for pregnancy. The next day when I had a beta blood test done, the result was only 12. That is a very low #, but it is a positive result. If my blood test was only 12 the next day, then on CD 12 when I took these at home tests, it would have been even less! That gives me great hope for all 3 tests since that is even more sensitive than they are said to be! So I give all a star. The Target hpt was very faint, but to be fair, my beta levels were bairly pregnant.

Each brand of hpt/opk's work diff for diff people. I didn't like the tiny (less expensive) dip strips that I bought since they were sometimes hard to read. I didn't get very dark + with them, even tho they were Answer brand- the same brand that I do like in a midstream model. I have heard others say they never got a + w/answer and others like them too, so <<>>. You really just need to try a variety of styles/brands and see which work well for you! I am sorry, I know that is never what ya want to hear, I don't anyway. I like clear choices! haha I am sorry to say, but there are very very few clear easy choices when TTC. Ha.

Update on my currant cycle is..... one more day of the gonal-f is down. My sis did it last night while we were out of town. We snuck into bathroom, probably making everyone wonder what in the heck we were doing, but she was able to do the shot squeamish stomach and all! She did a very good job & I barely felt it. I came home and told K that she better be more gentle next time too! K likes to do the shots fast before I start to "panic". I don't know what she is talking about- I don't panic! LOL We will do the gonal-f again tonight then on to u/s and estrodial tests both before 7 am Monday. :) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have high Estrodial numbers to go along with 4 or 5 very round and plump and healthy eggies! O O O O O (Hopefully on the right ovary, not left!)

Let the Injections Begin!

{ Before you get excited about the pic, it is a HPT & vial- but from last time! I just wanted to post a pic showing the vial & the hpt gives some size reference. That is an IUI vial & the swimmers fill up probably a third or quarter of the vial, not the whole thing. }

I am done with the clomid finally! Ick, it was making me sick the last few days. A spinning head & belly most of the time. Now on to the Gonal-F shots! We did the first one tonight & it was more painful then I was expecting. Maybe K was pushing really hard? She thought maybe she pushed it in too fast. The info site on net said it would hurt less than Follistim, but so far ah... no. My sister will be doing it tomorrow since I am going out of town w/my family. { K is not going since it is sister's bachelorette weekend thing. } Maybe it will be better if she does it slower. ? I hope it is alright that I put a warm eye pillow on it. It should only be for about 3 nights that I do the gonal -f anyway, so it ain't too bad.

Nurse #2 talked to me on phone today. She said that my Estrodial levels (blood test) were about 530 last try, when I thought I had 5 follies. She said that means I probably only really had 2 good follies and the rest were just playing games, & would never Ovulate. I didn't know that! I thought it seemed low compared to what others said they had, but I didn't know that was a bad thing. She said each follie will = around 150-300 units of estrodial a piece. So now I have to wish for 5 good follies and high estrodial numbers too. How do I get Estrodial? Can I eat something special? I'll have to google it.

Send healthy Follie and Estrodial growing vibes my way please!!!!!!!

HSG is a no go

ok- HSG is cancelled.

Unless some miracle happens, we will be skipping it and just doing the iui anyway, with the hopes that nothing is too wrong with my tubes. My insurance decided today that an HSG is a infertility procedure even if my Dr is saying he wants it due to tubal pregnancy to check for problems/damage. They are reviewing it. Blah. Lady on phone kept spacing off and would stop talking in the middle of each sentence, then start talking again. ? Great. I love it when we are in a hurry to do HSG before too late in my cycle, and I get the lady who is not really even paying attention to what she is doing. :l It would be $800 out of pocket tomorrow to do the HSG w/out insurance. The last place I had it was $350, but I did think they were going to kill me so I don't think I can do that again! They might succeed this time! {accckkk, cough cough -going to die clue in movies }

AH well, I was really looking forward to the HSG clearing out my tubes, for an increased chance. Phooey. Now I will just have to hope that the fert meds give me multiple, healthy eggs and my tubes are clear enough to let one thru. arrg. I am a planner, I do not like flying on hope alone! {pout pout}

{Pic is sunflower from our garden last summer.}

HSG = Give your tubes a test!

Since my HSG is Wed, I thought I'd tell you why I would go thru it again when it was so bad the first time. This will also give you tips to use if you need to have one done. So quick breakdown is that they use a speculum, swab your cervix, then put a tube/balloon in your uterus. They inflate the balloon, then push dye into uterus and tubes. As it goes in, the tech or Dr ( & you) can see the dye spilling out the ends of your tubes (hopefully). It is cool to see pics of your uterus and tubes. It is a reassuring test to have done because it shows if they are all clear so the eggs can travel through-go, eggies go!

I will tell you my Rules For HSG:

• Having it done by my fertility/gyn dr, not just a radiologist who isn't normally working "down there" on women.


• I will be getting a pain blocking shot in my cervix at the beginning of my procedure & taking 1600 mg Ibuprofin ( most ppl take 800 but last time was painful & I am a big girl at 6 ' tall and a sturdy size, LOL). My Dr thinks it is outrageous that anyone would do an HSG w/out giving a shot of pain blocker on the cervix. Hopefully it will help! I guess your tubes can seize up and twist and that is one of the reasons it can hurt. If you have any blockages, that can also cause pain. I must have had a brick wall in one of my tubes last time. :(


• I will take my own pad, and a friend who will drive & hold my hand.


• Not wasting TTC time! After HSG your supposed to have an increased chance for conception for the next 1-3 cycles. Whoo hoo!

P.S. I started my clomid last night & must say I really do like how it makes me sleep! I look forward to that part. I take it at night since it gave me headaches and I didn't like how I felt on it. Since this is my 6th cycle using clomid, I won't be using it anymore. I RR...EEAA...LLYY hope this cycle is the winner! FX!

{pic is a violet from our yard last summer}

Raingardens & organic yards

Since it will be Earth Day, I wanted to tell everyone about raingardens. Many cities are starting programs now. They pay you back $ for putting in an approved raingarden! Raingardens catch runoff from your street, driveway, house, yard, ... holds it in one spot while native plants help filter the water, cleaning it as it drains slowly instead of rushing into sewer. We put one in last year and were sent a check and a form to get a discount with water dept too. They will walk you thru each step or you can contact your local extension office, Master Naturalist or Master Gardener programs for help. ( I took the master naturalist training last year and loved it.)
As another quick plug for organic gardening- my sis and parents lawns have bald or yellow spots right now even though they have been treating them with chemicals and raking all their leaves like good home owners. Our lawn does NOT get raked, or sprayed with anything and it is lush, dark green and so long we have mowed already. Our yard is organic and beautiful! We love to watch/listen to our birds, bunny, butterflies and other wild friends who stop by all the time. We also love to look at the wide diversity of plants- both planted and "found", that call our yard home. Right now, the lawn is full of violets, creeping charlie, a few dandilions and wild strawberry plants. The violets are BEAUTIFUL! I can't tell you how much I love to walk thru the long grass and see all the small purple, white, & yellow flowers everywhere. I'll have to take some new pictures. ( I know I know Creeping Charlie is not native to the US, but we have reached a compromise, Charlie and I, & I don't want any static! LOL) I can't wait to see if any of our fruit trees/shrubs will have fruit this year! Hopefully as spring settles in here and all our plants wake up, we can also sow a seed and wake up our baby! **** Sending seeds of baby dust to everyone! *****

Yay, Aunt Flow is here- we are movin' now!

Yippee! AF finally showed up yesterday! I had a baseline ultrasound and estradial blood test and nurse says everything looked good on both! :) I had several small eggs~like 6 mm and that is normal. I scheduled my HSG test for next Wed morning and we just need that to show that there was no severe damage to my tube. In the meantime I will start the clomid at 100mg CD 3-7 again, then do Gonal F starting the day after last dose of clomid. I will have my u/s & estradial, redone on Mon the 30th and that will tell us how many eggs I have and how big they are. Fingers X'd! That will be CD 11, so if all goes the same as last month, I will probably get my HCG shot that day too. Then it will be time to insem. My sister went with me to u/s this morning and she is going in to work late Wed so she can take me to HSG test.

I can't post a pic today. It either puts the image on there 20 times or leaves huge gaps of space. Blah! Maybe it will be fixed by next post.

I wanted to say thanks for all the wonderful comments from my friends. You guys are great! ((huge hugs))

Here are two baby vidoes that crack me up! I saw the quads when they were on AFV & thought they were too funny then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYO7WUWZsNc

Yesterday I had a breakdown!

OH it was a bad Monday! First My car & lawnmower brokedown this weekend and I had to drop it at the shop. Then Monday morning I had to turn around on my way to work to get my cell phone, got it & started back to work and my phone went black and wouldn't do anything! aarrrggg Then I got to work and it was an ok work day until my break, when my cap suddenly came loose from my tooth! so I am trying not to bump it while I talk, but I called the dentist and she said they could see me at 2 but didn't have a record of giving me any anxiety meds before. Well this is not true, I know because I have never in my adult life gone to the dentist w/out some sort of anxiety medication!!!! Just having my cap loose, with the chance of falling off all the way-WHILE AT WORK- and talking to her on phone, knowing I would be going to the dentist, had ALREADY made me start shaking and getting red in the face with panic. She finally agrees to give me a prescription to pick up and says I will need a ride there and home. So I call my mom at work- no answer, I remembered she has all day meetings! I called K's cell- no answer, she is in class all day. Since my phone is broken, those were the only numbers I could remember. On top of that, I was supposed to pick up my niece from babysitter after work to visit my Gma in nursing home, and I don't know my sisters # or real name of her office! I had no way to get ahold of anyone, My tooth was freaking me out, the lady on phone was mean to me, my cap was only 2 yrs old and shouldn't be falling off.....I lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. Anytime I tried to talk to anyone at work and tell them what was wrong, I started crying again! OMGosh, I have never! I just couldn't help it anymore. I felt like everything was breaking down and until K starts her new job we are strapped. It was too many hits all at once!

This months bills off the top of my head include the reg stuff plus K's car-$600, my car -not sure yet but $1000 easy, my hospital bills- unknown$, my dental bill -$300, the lawn mower is broken-$ unknown, K's first month+deposit (at least) on studio for out of town job-$600-900, work clothes, tools and gas for K's new job-$unknown, ....(toilet is making scary noise-$ unknown-hope it can last!)

So I had to leave work early, crying like one of the students since I couldn't stop. How embarrasssing. The ladies in the office almost didn't let me drive myself, I was crying so hard. Jeez. I just kept thinking EVERYTHING IS BROKEN! Everything I touch breaks! All our belongings, and of course the baby, and I think it kind of snuck up on me. I had been kind of alright since the hospital and I think everything else just piled on top until I couldn't hold it up anymore. I do feel much better now. I made a list of things to do that I am slowly crossing things off each day. I am just taking each thing one at a time. I am trying to look to the future and know that things will get better. I am in a good mood actually, I think I cried it all out! Maybe I just needed to do that. Maybe I hadn't cried enuf about the baby yet. So I know this post made it sound bad, but it really was just yesterday, I feel much better now so don't worry! :)

Speaking of the future, I am already for period to show so we can begin our cycle! I have my clomid and injectibles and hcg and syringes and I am all set. I am kinda glad af hasn't shown up yet since it gives us more time to catch up with all the broken things before we start this cycle haha. Hopefully when I get my HSG done nothing will be broken there! FX

I will keep a detailed log of our protocol and results on here so we are gearing up for exciting stuff! LOL This blog was meant to be about the fertility stuff and instead has become my personal journal- but I promise I will be getting back on track and focusing on fertility details not my bad days! I think right now it is just because I am still waiting for my cycle to begin. I don't have any movement on fertility front so not too much to report! There will be soon though I promise! I do keep adding to the links in sidebar for you to cruise through for info & shopping. Well, I need to check in at NW boards and so how everyone else is so I'll write later. :) TK

ps the Infertility Common Thread color is pomagrante (how do you spell pomegrant?)

organic site

They have info & coupons for organic products, and links for kids.

Also check out http://www.organicvalley.coop/culture/moomom/index.html MOO~ Mothers Of Organic

Have a naturally wonderful day! haha

Variety of things

go to www.naturalfamilyboutique.com?organic for Fuzzi Bunz and other cloth diapers. They save money for you in the long run, save trees and keep tons of waste from polluting our landfills! Plus, they keep harsh chemicals off of your baby! Go reusable!

All-In-Ones
For the best in cloth diapers and baby accessories, visit KellysCloset.com

Well, even if we are not pregnant yet, the great organic baby registry search continues! I will keep posting sites here as I am searching thru them. Kelly's Closet has a very large selection I must say! She even had a wide variety of organic cloth diapers. So many that I started a gift registry there. I am still waiting for my period to come back. If I count the m/c as a regular monthly episode- which my body seems to be doing, then I expect af to visit in 3-5 days. Then we will be able to try again. I can't help but getting hopeful everytime, even tho I try to ignore the whole situation now. I am no where near as excited/stressed as I used to get in the first few cycles! It has become much more routine.
There are a few bumps coming up w/the next cycle. First if K goes on her new job, she won't be here to give me my shots! EEEK! I rreeaallyy don't think I can give them to myself. It doesn't bother me if someone else does it, I just can't look at the needle actually going in me, esp the giant PIO shots! I'd puke! So I need to start lining up volunteers and pick a time of day that I would be able to see these people most often. If I go with 5:30-6:30 timeframe, my sister and aunt will be getting home from work by then I can meet them at their house. My friend I work with said she has no problem doing it and she has some medical background from the military. But if I have her do it at work and she isn't there I could be screwed. Maybe the school nurse could fill in, but she isn't at our school all the time. I would hate to have to freak out, panic and run out of work to closest hospital to find someone to give me my shot, LOL. If her or I were to get a new job w/in the next 4 months, I would again be screwed. I can't go in to my new gov't job asking all my co-workers who could give me a shot in the butt ev day at 2pm. I'll have to do later time even tho it will mean I have to drive to someones house everyday at 5:30 w/all my supplies, sometimes 20-30 minutes away. Oh well, what can I do? <>
My other problem is that I have 2 vials at dr's office but they are 2 diff donors!! My other vial is still in Quarintine at the sperm bank and last minute we decided to just use one last time, so now we ended up w/2 diff donors. This is a problem because I REALLY want to use 2 vials. I have never been comfortable using only 1, and don't want to stress over the timing that much. It worked last time (sortof) but I think just by chance and looking at my temps (BBT chart), I had already ovulated by the time we did IUI. I had HCG sun at 8pm, then Mon morning my temp had a dip and at 9 and 10 am I had ovary cramps (sharp pains for a short time). On Tues morning my temp started going up (but not over coverline yet), I had cervical mucus(cm) and my iui at 9am. I had two more times of the O cramps, one before and one after iui on Tues. On Wed morning my temp had gone up to a post O temp and I started my PIO shots that night.
I had written down a total of 4 times that I had noticed the O pains, and I had 4-5 good sized, ready to pop follies at my ultrasound on Saturday. This time I would like to do one a little sooner to back up the iui at 36 hrs past the trigger shot, but if we do it would have to be with the vial that is a different donor! If I get pregnant that way, we won't know who the donor is until the baby is born and we can tell by their looks or blood type! Since the meds give me multiple follies, there is the chance that we could get twins that were each from a diff donor? Would that be weird for the kids? Would they have to explain how they could be twins and not have same donor? Would ppl not believe them when they said they were twins?
I am also still trying to find a new job. I have applied for a local gov't job which would pay more & have better benifits, but I really dream of working from home! Our local community college just started a new medical transcriptionist program for about $1,350. I would love to start my own biz making specialty giftbaskets! I have great ideas for that, but don't really know how to proceed. The other things I can make at home are gift cards, scrapbooks, or photography. What to do, what to do, hhhmmm. I dunno. I need to start moving on these things though! aahh!

new job for K

{pic is Oregon coast 2006}

I had some kinda good news today. K had a call for a new construction job that is working 7/12's. Whew! That makes a long work week for her, but a nice chunk of overtime $ for us! She does have to stay out of town too, since it is about 3 hours away, but even with the cost of living ther, she will still be making good $ and banking a load of hours towards her work hours/health ins hrs. The paycheck means we can pay off the dr bills we both have, the hospital bills from my visit a couple weeks ago, and fix both our cars, yippee! It will mean she won't be here for the next insem probably, but it won't really change anything since she avoids being anywhere near the action anyway! LOL she thinks using the swimmers is pretty gross and loves it when I go to dr instead of doin' it myself at home. She almost faints at the sight of blood too so I don't take it personally! The job is prob 4-6 months long, so if next insem happens in 2-3 weeks and it does work, she will miss the begining months of pregnancy on a day to day basis. I will be able to go visit her once in a while, and she will get a couple days off once in a while, so we will not be completely apart. I told her if it happens, I will mail her pics of my belly every week. :)

I wanted to say thank you with a great big hug to all my friends who posted such supportive comments here after my last posts. I don't know what I would do w/out my NW friends! I am still trying to keep a positive look on things, but if k's new job works out, it will take some stress off of our $ situation. I think that will help a little. Thanks again guys, your the best! <3

life, death, friends and cancer

(pic is trail in IL)
My friend with cervical cancer went to dr yesterday. I'll call her Amb. The news wasn't really good so far. She goes this morning to get some scans done to see if it has spread anywhere else yet. She will start chemo/radiation next week to try and shrink the tumor, so it will be small enuf to remove! They said right now it goes from one pelvic bone accross to the other. If they can shrink it, then they will do a radical hysterectomy and take out ALL the reproductive organs and ligaments and tumor. In two weeks the rad/chemo will have killed her ovaries and she will begin menapause. Have I mentioned she is 29 yrs old, one month younger than me. We will find out today if it has spread anywhere else. They said she has stage 3b. The next stage worse is 4 and that has stages 4a-4c. Stage 3 only has two levels I guess. Then 4c is the last stage there is.

I have told her that I will take her to appts or help her in anyway I can. I gave her some of my ginger candy to try if she gets nausous (sp?) and I told her I'll pick up some preggo pops to try too. I am making her a little book ( I scrap and make cards all the time), and I want to put pics of friends and family members in it so she can take it with her and know that even if all of us can't be with her all the time, we all still care and will be thinking of her while whe is at dr's.

I want to find a small sized pic of cells fighting off and killing cancer cells to add to book for her to visualize on- if anyone has something like that they could post that would be great. Also if anyone knows anything else her friends could do for her, or anyhting we should be prepared for that I might not have thought of, anything you could tell me, that would be great.

Between her cancer and losing the baby, this has not been a good month for me so sorry if I have been short or brainless. Amb was my first girlfriend too (11 yrs ago) when we were teens. We have been friends since then. I have added vigorous HPV testing to my list of appts at RE's office- more fun! (sense the sarcasm) I am asking all of you to also test for HPV. Not just the pap. but actual HPV test.

On top of this it is just a month til my sisters wedding and my Grandma no longer knows who I am when I visit. I am crying at the drop of a hat these days. To make it more fun, my DP K is still worried that I will leave her for Amb in her time of need. Bleepin bleep. I mean get w/it! We don't need to be fighting about this! Amb is sick- really, really sick, I doubt she is thinking anything about getting down my pants for cryin out loud. But K is worried because we have our own relationship issues and thinks I will look for some love outside our relationship. She said she is older than me and has seen how these things go, I will spend more time w/Amb then I guess we will decide to be together. Even though we have managed for 11 yrs not to sleep together and even lived as roommates before. Whatever. K says Amb would not be there for me like this if situation was reversed. You know, I agree with that. Most of my friends seem to be flakes, it is almost always me who calls them, who wants to get together, who sees how they are,... that is fine. I understand they are flakes and that if I didn't put in the effort, none of us would stay in contact. I accept that. If that means they wouldn't be there for me if I were sick- that will be their own bad karma. I am not going to not be a nice person/friend just because they wouldn't! I am not going to choose to be a bad friend since they are! I guess they are all just lucky I am their friend. Haha

But do you know what? I am still kinda young, but I have realized that life is short, memories are what you make, and people aren't around forever. My grandpa died of Alzhiemers (sp?) almost 2 yrs ago, and other family has died too. I found out when I was 20, that I have a chronic illness that will slowly take away my mobility. I will be in a wheelchair eventually. I have moved accross the country for years, and then moved back. I have known kids I went to school with who have been shot or committed suicide. I have had friends live with, and die from AIDS. When I was growing up, I lost 2 dads to divorce. I have been lucky in a way becuase I have noticed young, that people come and go in your life. Life itself comes and goes. The friends that have known you a long time, and seen you at you worst or doing stupid things and still talk to you and love you.....those are people you should hang on to, even if it means that you have to call them. They are also the ones who will laugh with you and listen to you ramble on about your own life. They are the ones who won't care if you throw up, or fall down, or crash at their place. They are family, flakey or not, and if I am going to be hiking around on a hilly trail, I at least want to see some familiar faces around the bend occasionally.