Sorry so long since last post!

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Hi friends! I know I haven't been on the boards or posting here for a while, but I had a second & thought I should update here. I hope all of you are doing well! I have been busy lately, it seems like June is the busiest month of the year. I was also pretty depressed and didn't feel like talking much.
Fertility Front: I had basically given up on iui's & thought we would be refocusing on foster/adoption options. Since I had the HSG done though, my RE thinks it will increase chances for a short time & with my one tube damaged, I figured now would be my best shot. So I am doing one more cycle now. After this we will be forced to give up due to emotional/financial drainage. We are tapped out of $ & positive attitudes! DP now always calls buying sperm "another month of throwing $ in the toilet w/nothing to show for it." That is actually how she refers to it! As in..."Oh, that's right, we can't spend money because we are throwing $ in the toilet w/nothing to show for it again this month." I must say I pretty much feel the same way, but I figure while my broken tube is still oiled up and cleaned up, is the right time to give it our last shot. We are doing the same protocol we have been on...clomid/injectible Gonal-F/trigger/iui/PIO shots. I had 5 small eggs and estrodial of 40 something on CD3. They also retested my FSH & it was 6 point something. So we are ok so far. Monday will be my u/s and estrodial to gauge readyness of the follies. I start the Gonal -F tonight. They are not fun, but nothing bad when I think about the PIO- those are not good. The Follistim pen shots were less painful than the Gonal F ( reg needles) if you are ever faced w/a choice. They are just different brands of the same kind of medicine according to the pharmacies. I have been having O pain & am bloated and can't move to much w/out makin' it hurt. I don't mind if it means big healthy numerous eggs. Fingers crossed! My two best months, I went in for my u/s thinking it would be bad news since I didn't have any O pain, so I am a tad worried about this month. Hopefully it isn't a bad sign.
Sperm News: You may know that I offered my last NW D 300 vial up for sale to someone w/a 300 child already. "X" has said she is interested & I am just waiting for the check so I can mail in my Bill of Sale and transfer fee & note to NW. Then it will be hers. I first decided to do this because I thought I wasn't going to try again. 300 is sold out completely & I know there are several families who would love to have a chance for a full sib. I would want that if I were in their shoes. It feels good to know that I can help that happen. Plus if ...(haha), if I were to be able to carry a baby...there wouldn't be any other 300 vials for me to try for a full sib either. So no little red head for me, at least for now.
When everything looked like it was lining up so I had to throw my hat in the ring one more time, I still con't to sell my vial since the RE is doing this iui & he doesn't use NW. <> I have used NW 10 times now and maybe a little change of pace will shake things up a little. I'll try almost anything at this point, which you can tell by the number and size of injections I am willing to let K give me! So we are using a vial from Midwest Sperm Bank (who the RE does use) and will iui some time next week probably. I am not getting excited, it just feels like that last chance try to throw the basketball through the hoop as you are walking off the court. You're not really looking, or expecting to make it, but you toss it in the general area and walk away.
Does it seem weird to you that RE's have certain sperm banks they use & won't use? They don't know the names of the different places even. I would think they would know the names & basic info of all the banks, not just use one & ignore the rest, but what do I know. Midwest is probably handy for the Dr's here since we are close to Chicago.
Convention Talk: If a big NW convention doesn't happen, maybe we could plan a small one somewhere. I know some ppl have gotten together in a couple areas. Maybe we could have a Chicago area one? We will be in Oregon on the coast for Labor Day weekend also, maybe some ppl are in the area there want to get together?
I better try to get somestuff done here. Talk to you later! ((hugs)) Tara

HSG results and stayin busy

I have been trying to get some yard work done. That means it is spring- time to try & identify all the little sprouts and decide if they are a native wildflower (keep), something I planted (keep), or a wildflower that is not native to our area & possibly invasive ( dig out & burn). Hard to do when plants are still small w/a few leaves but no flowers. aargg. That is the reason for the pic of the day. If you didn't know that some of those innocent looking little plants you bought from the garden center & are planting in your garden, could escape- by bird, wind, or roots- and spread over other yards and into our state parks and wild areas....please take a look at that site or any about invasive or alien plant species. The big park near our house, has a battle waging w/burning bush, a popular garden shrub that is invading the park, crowding out other plants and limiting the food/shelter sources for the wildlife. Species diversity is very important, but I'll stop ranting now cuz that wasn't why I logged on here at all!

I did log on to tell you about my HSG test this morning! It was MUCH less painful today, yay! The speculum was worst part, then he gave me a shot on my cervix- which I didn't even feel. He then got the tube in place and took speculum out again. I did get to watch the pics this time as the dye moved around. He didn't put any balloon or anything into uterus, and didn't hurt me so badly I thought I would die like when the radiologist did it. Dr F said the way radiologists do it is barbaric. I do agree. I had about 1,000mg ibuprofen and a lot of leaking afterward. Fluid and blood was all over the place- yuck! I got cleaned up, dressed and just have some mild cramping and a sick feeling from the shot. I am still sick, but that should go away eventually. whew.

RESULTS: He had a hard time getting the fluid going at first but it did flow through. It came out the left side clearly, but only seeped out on the right. On the screen, the left looked like a thin noodle, but my right side looked full like a sausage w/only a tiny trickle at the end. The right side has some blockage, but Dr. F said it isn't blocked all the way. He said I can con't w/iui's for now. In the future, I could turn to IVF if I wanted & had the dough. He thinks that IVF would work better than any surgery to try and repair things since the repairs might not work & could make it worse. So back onto another iui. IUI # 10. ugh. I asked about going off the clomid, but he wants to stick w/it for now. So I will be back on the same regimen next cycle. He wants to redo some of the cd 3 tests too. so next month... CD3 blood tests, Clomid, injectible (gonal -f), u/s, blood tests, IUI, wait a week, blood tests, and wait another week, do pee sticks and more blood tests. The right side seems to be blocked, but the pain and blood were on the left when i went to the hospital for my "unproven tubal". WUWT? Dr.F said they are all together in a small area, so I guess it is hard to tell what comes from where all the time. He said one tube can pick up a follicle from the opposite ovary too. He was trying to reassure me about the blocked tube. I will keep an eye out for any IVF studies in my area, but for now...IUI. So I will have at least the month off. That is good since I need a break. My butt still hurts from the PIO shots. In June we are going to Chicago for the Blues Fest, (whoohoo!) celebrating my 30th b-day (boo hoo!) and have a bunch of other crap, I mean parties, to attend. So I guess I will be able to relax, have a drink and not worry about blood work or shots while we are running around. Since my mom doesn't know we are ttc and we are going to the blues fest w/her and rest of my family, we won't have to hide anything, or sneak around. That is good!

I am in the process of getting some of my photographs up and running on a professional site, so ppl can buy prints. I am not a computer expert and it is slow going. png, watermarks, uploading, copyright, pixels and layers ...oh my head hurts. Hopefully I'll have it ready soon, though so you can check it out!