frown and smile and frown and smile

{pic is another flower from our yard }

No offense to any parents or pregnant friends here, but I'm back in that- don't point your round pregnant belly at me lady, lest I kick your shin or pinch you- mood. Nice huh? And you thought I was a sweet girl! ha I am just so tired of everyone being pregnant, or having babies while I (& some of you) can't keep one in the oven. Maybe it is just because of the recent Gma loss & K is out of town for the weekend, at the BEACH w/out me no less. :{ It is almost Nov, and now I get a daily look at how my empty belly should look now, since the teacher I work with is pregnant and due in November. Right around Thanksgiving, about a week after I was due before the m/c. Helpful huh? Unfortunately, she is too nice to hate.

My niece had her first 2 days at preschool w/me this week. Yes she is in my class- cool for her so she has a large object (me) to cling to and screech at in fear, as needed. Not so cool for us (teachers in the room) since I can only do work that allows for her to be in my lap or at least no further than sitting right next to me. Yes she is smart, but not the most social child ever. Most strangers get their Q's answered w/a screech/frown and hiding her face combo move. The little owl will be 4 next month and hopefully will warm up to school quickly so I can do my job. She has made great strides in our 2 days. She has made real flesh friends her own age! She has talked to the other 2 teachers in the room and even high fived them! She also will now let another child walk past her like 3 feet away, and not freak out! Most kids either have a sad day or a happy day overall, but with her it is constant hot/cold. She has a blast outside at large motor time, but had a psychological rip when I left the room for break. Poor thing. No matter how hard it is now, I know Kindergarten w/no aunt for a teacher, would be MUCH worse!

So Iowa passed the Gay marriage thing again, but have already placed a hold so shut it down w/in what...24-48 hours? nice. The news here has been all over it, quoting "experts" on gay marriage - religious conservatives! They ended the channel 8 episode w/quotes from famous ppl, like congressmen and church leaders telling us all how horrible of an idea this would be...~"a great loss" for families and so on. Their positive quote (even coverage for the news here ya know!) was Hillary Clinton's view is that it should be left up to the states to decide. Way to back us up there Hill, & don't think I forgot that Bill signed the Defense of Marriage Act despite all his butt kissing to get the gay vote before he turned around & stabbed us in the back. I know she is her own person, but it still stains her in my eyes. I am tired of candidates who are not actively going out at night looking for gays to run over w/their car & sprinkle w/holy water , being my best choice. Where is someone who just cuts the crap and tells the religious right that it is still up to their own church to make it;s own rules, but the US gov't has to recognise ALL of it's citizens, regardless of your opinion of them. State /church = 2 separate things, duh. Why is that hard to see?

Stupid old rich white guys, do they really think letting couples like us get same health care rights and death benefit laws, etc - would ruin all their old marriages? Are all their wives going to see a better door opening and run off to marry each other? I don't get it. What are they afraid of? Jeez I'm tired and rambling sorry.

"Ecotopia" is a little old paperback book where OR, WA and CA are a separate country, having decided they have much different goals/ideals/thoughts on the environment & social issues than many other states in our country. I def recommend reading it, just because I wish it were basically true! LOL I would move there. If only I had the money to start my own country. Ha!

Grandma Blue's death and memories of my grandparents

{ pic is a guest flower from my garden.

Guest flower= planted there by birds or wind, not by me! I have a very narrow view of weeds so most plants are safer in my yard than others. }

((((Hugs)))) back to my friends, thank you for you comments on last post. As far as a family death goes, I feel pretty ok about how things were. Someone in the family was there with her from Saturday afternoon until she passed Tuesday evening. We read to her, watched tv with her, played cards and talked/laughed/cried with each other during the time we sat vigil. We talked to her even though she gradually stopped being able to communicate with us, but we believe could hear us til the end. Hospice nurses all told us hearing is one of the last things to go.

At the end, she had a packed room with 2 kids, 2 sisters and 2 grandkids all around her bed, my aunt was just getting ready to read a funny book("Diary of a Worm") and Wheel of Fortune (one of her fav shows) had just ended-{to the minute, it was exactly 7:30} and she quietly took a breath, but then just did not take another. We all laid our hands on her and told her we were there, and loved her and she could let go. I told her it was ok to go to Grandpa. It was very peaceful. We all cried and touched her and waited.

My Grandma and Grandpa Blue were very dear to me and were like second parents. I miss them both but know they are happy and can hear me,... Thank you for helping to make me into the person I am, and I love you.

Some random lessons from my Grandparents: Grandpa was the 1st gardener I knew and his lush, plant filled life has inspired me always. I still prefer a lawn with beautiful "weeds" like violets, clover and dandelions, over a plain green boring manicured lawn, blah. He taught me to look at a guest plant that pops up, not rip it out of the ground. His yard had crabapple trees, onions, award winning roses, hibiscus and many more plants I don't remember. There was always a bird house out for our feathered friends, and animals were hanging about too. Their yard was like a wild forest preserve to me as a kid, with new things hidden around each new leaf. Grandpa would walk around and tell me the names of things or what eats this or that. There were shadowy hidden spots you could duck into and read a book, while the leaves over your head whispered to you. There was always a seed or fruit of some kind to mash up and make "stew" with, or with permission, try a taste of. Note- crab apples are not tasty! Their yard always smelled interesting. If you walk slow past the huge bumble bees zipping into flowers, you can smell the huge hibiscus & Grandpa always plucked one bloom off for you as you left. If you go to the back of the yard, the smell of the onions creep up and smack you. You can go back up closer to the roses if you prefer to get away from that deep smell!

They had a normal sized yard, but one of the fullest I have ever seen and I was spoiled into thinking all yards were that way. I feel sad for people who didn't get to play in a jungle yard like that. I dream to someday have a yard that mystical and loved. I too have an organic yard with food for humans as well as for animals of all kinds. All creatures are welcome here. :) I have planted and designed my gardens with their yard in my mind- always. I think my gardening style and theirs, also reflects on our attitude towards other people. My grandparents home was always welcome to new friends or family, no matter who you were. Grandma wanted to feed everyone (alot), & they loved everyone. My first girlfriend (Am) was welcomed at their home w/out an eyelash batted. Since, I had given no warning, & really we stopped only out of need (flat tire) I really had not thought about it til we got there. But Grandpa and Am fixed the tire together and Grandma fed us and played cards with me while they worked. Grandma told me later that "some girls are just born a little more boyish than the rest, and it is just the way they are." No big thing to her! She loved K since meeting her too & just treated her as any other grandchild or friend. My mom said her brothers always brought all kinds of ppl home as young guys and Grandma/Grandpa hosted open card game night for all of them- no problems. My Grandparents showed me that people are people and we all need to eat, have love, have friends, laugh and apparently play cards.

Grandma always made arts/crafts. She made blankets, magnets, ceramics, bookmarks, cross stitch, clothes,. ..etc. She made things for gifts for everyone and sold things at craft sales. She showed me if you can make beautiful or useful items for others. You can cheer them up, or remind them of something/someone, you can give them something to hold onto-physically and emotionally. The inside of their house was always full of plants, toys, games, cards, food, ceramics, art supplies, and love. African violets covered tables, ferns and orchids swayed in the wind of the fan blowing fresh summer air in from the window. In the winter, the ceramic snow covered houses were lit up with tiny little lights sending a warm glow out of tiny little windows and all the colors you could think of blinked out of the sides of the small ceramic Christmas trees. Their Tree was always from floor to ceiling and hung heavy with tinsel and ornaments of all kinds, while blinking lights peeked out from behind them. Grandma was always cooking something so we didn't all "blow away". How she thought any of our rather large family could blow away from missing a chance at a snack or meal I don't know. In Jr High, I was 135 lbs and 5' 10" tall and a source of constant worry and offers of food. When I stopped eating meat, her argument was always that I would blow away if I didn't eat some of her turkey. I'm not sure how windy she really thought it was here, but even w/out eating meat, I soon enough gained the weight needed to keep me safe. Grandma was a constant source of cookies, milk or pop, and egg and cheese sandwiches she cooked in a pan for you, just as you liked them, while you watched. I remember watching her roll out noodles and cut them with her rocking noodle slicer. Knead, knead, knead, then rock, rock & she would pick up long strings of flour covered noodles, ready for a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. At Christmas, it was cookies cut with her bucket full of shiny metal cookie cutters with a shape for almost every holiday. On normal summer days, while I wiggled and whined through a baseball game on tv, she would get out the same bucket of cookie cutters and I was able to use my crayons to trace their shapes onto paper and color them in while I wondered about frosting, presents & snow. Thankfully, after baseball games ended, I remember Scooby Doo or Sesame Street being turned on as my reward. Yay!

Even though they watched baseball games or Wheel of Fortune in spite of my protests and moans, Grandma & Grandpa still made sure I had something to do. That might mean Grandma played the card game War with me while watching the game, but even though a home run might send some cards flying & we would have to have a redo on that hand, I never felt ignored or in the way. In this, and so many other ways, they showed me that: I was loved, kids are important, you need to compromise, and even if you don't love all the same things-you can find something to agree on.

I feel lucky to have had such warm and loving grandparents. I stopped sitting on Grandma's lap after I got so big I was afraid I would smoosh her, but I know I was always welcome there anyway. Some kids never get hugs or laps. They showed me family is important and love is great. They influenced every part of my life from gardening, to making art/crafts, to having children/grandchildren, to playing cards with their loved ones, to making friends with everyone they met, and I will always strive to be someone they would be proud of, and to show others the endless love they shared with me. I pray that I will someday have my own children and even grandchildren that I can love, as my grandparents have loved all of us. For now, I try to show the kids in my preschool class that they are wonderful and can be great people. I give free hugs, as needed, and do not let them call names or put each other down. Only put ups are welcome in our class. I hope they always stay as full of wonder and love of learning as they are now. I hope I have helped them in some small way, to feel loved and safe at this huge new world of preschool. I hope to soon have my own children to watch their breath as they dream, and eyes light up as they pet a Praying Mantis, or suprise as a grasshopper jumps on them. I hope all of you take this as a friendly reminder to be the best you, that you can be & to share your love freely too. Please give all your babies and grandparents a soft kiss on the forehead while they nap.

Love TK