OH it was a bad Monday! First My car & lawnmower brokedown this weekend and I had to drop it at the shop. Then Monday morning I had to turn around on my way to work to get my cell phone, got it & started back to work and my phone went black and wouldn't do anything! aarrrggg Then I got to work and it was an ok work day until my break, when my cap suddenly came loose from my tooth! so I am trying not to bump it while I talk, but I called the dentist and she said they could see me at 2 but didn't have a record of giving me any anxiety meds before. Well this is not true, I know because I have never in my adult life gone to the dentist w/out some sort of anxiety medication!!!! Just having my cap loose, with the chance of falling off all the way-WHILE AT WORK- and talking to her on phone, knowing I would be going to the dentist, had ALREADY made me start shaking and getting red in the face with panic. She finally agrees to give me a prescription to pick up and says I will need a ride there and home. So I call my mom at work- no answer, I remembered she has all day meetings! I called K's cell- no answer, she is in class all day. Since my phone is broken, those were the only numbers I could remember. On top of that, I was supposed to pick up my niece from babysitter after work to visit my Gma in nursing home, and I don't know my sisters # or real name of her office! I had no way to get ahold of anyone, My tooth was freaking me out, the lady on phone was mean to me, my cap was only 2 yrs old and shouldn't be falling off.....I lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. Anytime I tried to talk to anyone at work and tell them what was wrong, I started crying again! OMGosh, I have never! I just couldn't help it anymore. I felt like everything was breaking down and until K starts her new job we are strapped. It was too many hits all at once!
This months bills off the top of my head include the reg stuff plus K's car-$600, my car -not sure yet but $1000 easy, my hospital bills- unknown$, my dental bill -$300, the lawn mower is broken-$ unknown, K's first month+deposit (at least) on studio for out of town job-$600-900, work clothes, tools and gas for K's new job-$unknown, ....(toilet is making scary noise-$ unknown-hope it can last!)
So I had to leave work early, crying like one of the students since I couldn't stop. How embarrasssing. The ladies in the office almost didn't let me drive myself, I was crying so hard. Jeez. I just kept thinking EVERYTHING IS BROKEN! Everything I touch breaks! All our belongings, and of course the baby, and I think it kind of snuck up on me. I had been kind of alright since the hospital and I think everything else just piled on top until I couldn't hold it up anymore. I do feel much better now. I made a list of things to do that I am slowly crossing things off each day. I am just taking each thing one at a time. I am trying to look to the future and know that things will get better. I am in a good mood actually, I think I cried it all out! Maybe I just needed to do that. Maybe I hadn't cried enuf about the baby yet. So I know this post made it sound bad, but it really was just yesterday, I feel much better now so don't worry! :)
Speaking of the future, I am already for period to show so we can begin our cycle! I have my clomid and injectibles and hcg and syringes and I am all set. I am kinda glad af hasn't shown up yet since it gives us more time to catch up with all the broken things before we start this cycle haha. Hopefully when I get my HSG done nothing will be broken there! FX
I will keep a detailed log of our protocol and results on here so we are gearing up for exciting stuff! LOL This blog was meant to be about the fertility stuff and instead has become my personal journal- but I promise I will be getting back on track and focusing on fertility details not my bad days! I think right now it is just because I am still waiting for my cycle to begin. I don't have any movement on fertility front so not too much to report! There will be soon though I promise! I do keep adding to the links in sidebar for you to cruise through for info & shopping. Well, I need to check in at NW boards and so how everyone else is so I'll write later. :) TK
ps the Infertility Common Thread color is pomagrante (how do you spell pomegrant?)
5 comments:
Hang in there, I have had days like that where the smallest little thing will set me off after a build up of a lot of little and big things. I hope it gets better.
So sorry that you had such a horrible day. It was definitely mostly about the baby. I had that happen out of the blue about 7 months after my mc. It was a hard day, but things were brighter from then on, I found out I was pregnant the next month. Journaling your bad days is part of TTC. It is all related and we want to share with you and encourage you, through the good and the bad. Good luck this next cycle.
Wow I am so sorry about your day. I totally understand what you mean though. It seems like sometimes when it rains it pours... but, I am glad you are doing better now. There are better things to come for you, I am sure of it!
Oh sweetie I am so sorry you had all that happen :( many hugs your way {{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Glad your feeling ok now. I cant wait for you to get AF cuz I will be right behind you. I think Im about a week behind you. We need to get our sticky BFP's SOON!
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